Dream sequence: child rearing

Last night I had a dream.
I was a single mom.
It was hard, my support system had sprung a leak and I was... all alone.
Out of the darkness came a smile, my baby's.

Hold it. This isn't Rent. Talk about ADD. Today I can't do research because I must talk about my dream. I lived with YouTube family who posted daily videos and, get this, was a single mom. I don't know, maybe they took me in. Strange.

The craziest thing of all was how rooted in reality the dream was for me. There was no prospect of a father, as their wouldn't be as I don't know how I'd turn up pregnant to begin with. I remember thinking in my dream that I'd always wanted to experience pregnancy. That is totally true. I want to know what it is like to be pregnant. I just really don't want the responsibility of a child afterwards. Those two facts has had me research surrogate pregnancy in the past. In my dream I found myself thinking that I had my experience of being pregnant and that I should be careful what I wish for. Then there was the whole YouTube thing. Living with daily vloggers? I watch too much YouTube, so of course that was something in my dream.

Here I was, all alone. Which, as terrible as that is, is how I think I would take finding myself to be a single mom. Simply because I feel I wouldn't be able to face my family. I was only finding solace in the smile that came from the tiny human that I'd created. This little girl was beautiful in every way. She was also a newborn and still looked to mama, that's me, for everything including constant cuddle time. She had the genetic makeup pertaining to the race that makes sense to me in reality. Like I'd completely fall for a guy of that race and produce a child that looks like that. Nothing seems too far-fetched. Even being in reality and thinking all of the "dream facts" over, everything makes sense. Not always true when I wake up and review a dream.

What always makes me so sad is the lonely feeling I get when I wake up from these dreams. I've only had two where the child is fully realized. Countless pregnancy dreams and those always feel like just dreams when I wake. It's something about having a dream about being a mother. First of all I'm always me in dreams like this. I'm usually a character in an elaborate story when I dream, but I've been me in both mom dreams. It always makes me want to go back to sleep to keep holding this nonexsistent child. Despite my general opinion on children, this little girl never fits into that. I'm always head over heels in love with the tiny human and have no desire to give her up. Even though I can feel the weight of taking care of her settle on my shoulders and in my stomach causing me to panic, she is all I want. For a girl who is constantly going on about how she hates kids and doesn't want any, ever, I need to stop finding myself chasing dreams about having had one and loving her.