Disappointment

We all have to deal with it. It's a part of life. Some people handle it swimmingly. Others not so much. I'm in the latter group.

I'm not good at having things go the way I pictured. While I can't say that I've dealt with this all of my life, I can say it's been one of my issues for a while. From not handling college they way I thought I could to not getting the jobs I want, I tend to sink pretty deep into my head when I fail.

It isn't that I don't like trying for things. I understand that working for something makes you appreciate it more. I do, however, find it hard to be motivated at times when the odds are too high against me. There was a different general message I was trying to deliver but I distracted myself with an earlier comment. So instead allow me to directly attack something else.

Since I was too lost to properly motivate myself through college, I hate to hear people say that college isn't worth it. All I wanted was to graduate from college. Maybe not all. I wanted training for a career. I wanted the college experience. I wanted the ability to live up to the "potential" I showed in high school. Wanted? I want those things. I understand that you can go to college and feel it's a waste when you find yourself working grunt jobs with thousands of dollars in debt to show for it. I don't feel that way. Sure the debt is daunting. For someone who feels like she failed, I don't want to hear people who made it saying that it doesn't mean anything.

So, some context for my rant. I recently heard a conversation between a college grad and a soon to be high school grad. The high school grad was excited about the new things to come, specifically college. Just happy to be moving on with their life and getting out of the nest to experience new things. The college grad, bogged down by their own lost feeling through college, let the soon to be freshman know that college wasn't worth it. Just a waste of money really. I was infuriated. Part of my anger was to one of the things I hated the most was people loading me down with everything that could go wrong as if I wasn't already nervous about life changing. The other part was that I failed where you succeeded. I tried, it was too hard and I came back with my tail between my legs with everyone who expected me to succeed looking on in disappointment. I didn't make it. You did. You persisted and graduated. Why did you work so hard for something that wasn't worth it? It's gotten to a point that I may forever be too afraid to try again because I can't find a definitive path that will keep me focused and motivated. That isn't your problem. YOU GRADUATED!

I, the one with all of the potential, failed. You, the college graduate, struggled yet made it through to graduation. It's not worth it? We could trade places, as no one appreciates a victory as much as the loser. In the meantime, please refrain from crapping all over the happiness of someone who is excited about their future.