21 Answers: I don't think we're compatible

I really cannot stand this song called 21 Questions. After years of being irritated about it I think it's long overdue that I write down why it bothers me.

The opening lyrics are not as bad as they could be. It starts off giving you a feeling that he could be looking for love:

New York City!
You are now rapping...with 50 Cent
You gotta love it...
I just wanna chill and twist a lot
Catch suns in my 7-45
You drive me crazy shorty I
Need to see you and feel you next to me
I provide everything you need and I
Like your smile I don't wanna see you cry
Got some questions that I got to ask and I
Hope you can come up with the answers babe

Then there the chorus:

Girl...It's easy to love me now
Would you love me if I was down and out? If it's really love then yes.
Would you still have love for me?
Girl...It's easy to love me now
Would you love me if I was down and out?
Would you still have love for me?
Girl...

Moving on to the second verse is where I start thinking he can't possibly be serious:

If I feel off tomorrow would you still love me? yes
If I didn't smell so good would you still hug me? probably not
If I got locked up and sentenced to a quarter century,
Could I count on you to be there to support me mentally? No, no, hell no. What the hell did you do to get locked up for 25 years? That's a pretty good crime and I don't need/want criminals in my life.
If I went back to a hoopty from a Benz, would you poof and disappear like
some of my friends? No, because I wouldn't love you because of your car.
If I was hit and I was hurt would you be by my side? Absolutely
If it was time to put in work would you be down to ride? If by work you mean peddling drugs (or something else illegal), not only are you on your own for a ride but you will also find yourself very single.
I'd get out and peel a nigga cap and chill and drive
I'm asking questions to find out how you feel inside Again, I won't be anywhere mixed up in that, and now I'm seeing why you're worried about your 25 years to life. Now we're tap dancing next to assault with a deadly weapon and murder. I'm NOT going to jail behind you. Not to mention that I can't be here to support you mentally if I'm in jail with you.
If I ain't rap 'cause I flipped burgers at Burger King
would you be ashamed to tell your friends you feelin' me? No.
And in bed if I used to my tongue, would you like that? If you ever get me in bed (i.e. marry me, and let me tell you it isn't looking all that promising), I'll let you know.
If I wrote you a love letter would you write back? Yeah
Now we can have a lil' drink you know a nightcap
And we could go do what you like, I know you like that I have a feeling what I like to do is far off the mark from what you like to do. I'd feel weird asking you to come and it'll be uncomfortable for the both of us.

And that's just the second verse. From there they go over the chorus, driving home the fact that real love is there through thick and thin. But the next verse starts asking questions that not only leave me with the impression that this guy is an idiot, but also angers me:

Now would you leave me if you're father found out I was thuggin'? I wouldn't take my father finding out. Once I figured out that that was your source of income we wouldn't be together.
Do you believe me when I tell you, you the one I'm loving? Unless you give me reason not to (i.e. show signs of serial infidelity), yes.
Are you mad 'cause I'm asking you 21 questions? No, they help us see if we are compatible.
Are you my soulmate? 'Cause if so, girl you a blessing I wouldn't hold my breath on that one.
Do you trust me enough, to tell me your dreams? If I love you, yes.
I'm staring at ya' trying to figure how you got in them jeans
If I was down would you say things to make me smile? Of course, I want to be there to build you up.
I treat you how you want to be treated just teach me how
If I was with some other chick and someone happened to see?
And when you asked me about it I said it wasn't me
Would you believe me? Or up and leave me?
How deep is our bond if that's all it takes for you to be gone? 1. You aren't treating me how I want to be treated if you're with some other girl. 2. If I believed you and you lied to me I'm not the one at fault and you're that much more of a jack wagon. 3. Why are you lying to me? You just told me that you were with her, own up to your mistakes. I won't take you lying to me. 4. Our bond obviously wasn't that deep if you can't stay faithful to me. Don't fault anyone but yourself for my leaving when I find out.
And always remember girl we make mistakes, to make it up I do whatever it take
I love you like a fat kid love cake Stop making so many mistakes and you wouldn't have to keep doing whatever it takes to make it up to me.
You know my style I say anything to make you smile Doesn't this mean that you'll make a habit of lying to me? That is not okay. I don't want a relationship built on lies.

Then again with the chorus and a bridge to carry the song out:

Could you love me in a Bentley? Yes
Could you love me on a bus? Yes
I'll ask 21 questions, and they all about us
Could you love me in a Bentley?
Could you love me on a bus?
I'll ask 21 questions, and they all about us

All in all, this relationship wouldn't work. I need our love to be honest. We make mistakes but I won't condone you lying to me, cheating on me, getting caught up in criminal acts, and expecting me to be your ride or die. He needs to choose a better mode of life. Even the questions I answer yes too seem iffy because his lifestyle lets me know that he's a loser.

Rules for Survival

1) Don't be a creep, it's not nice

2) If you happen to not follow rule number 1 and you are a creep to someone, if while you're being a creep someone they start laughing at you... Beware! Chances are they know something you don't. Usually it's something that would hurt more to find out about than to remain ignorant of.

Diary of a disgruntled sales rep

I hate children. Any child that I am exposed to for a prolonged period of time will, eventually, end up irritating me. Related or not. They all remind me at some point that I hate children. Generally it is those that are predisposed to misbehave that really get my goat. I've recently come to the conclusion, though, that majority of the reasons that I dislike children can be traced back to their parents' lack of parenting skills.

I work in a store that specializes in clothing private school students. It isn't an ideal job for me for the reasons that I have stated above. I try my hardest to deal with the parents and hope that they will put forth the effort to keep their child from acting like a complete imp. This, I know, is not the best way for me to complete the tasks in my job description. However, I find that there isn't any point of me trying to keep a child in line when the parents are acting as if their miniature demons cannot do any wrong. So for those out there who are a complete boob when it comes to parenting here is a list of ways to cause the sales representative to really hate you and your child.

• Do not stare at your child and do nothing while they pull items off the racks. That is generally a grand time for you to step to the parenting plate and pitch a few in-store behavior guidelines.
• Watch your child. I can assure you that it is not entertaining in the least for you to stand in one spot and yell your child's name several times to make sure they are still in the store every couple minutes. I can also assure you that when you start to call your child's name and I know who you are talking about and can point you in the right direction. that is not a good thing.
  
• Do not allow your child to climb on the sales rack. If you are not doing the previous point, by all means stop them once you find them. It shouldn't take a story of some child being decapitated by the same apparatus that your child is currently playing of to get you to say "get down."
  
• In the case of uniforms, do not stop every 20 seconds to ask your child's opinion. It's a school uniform, everyone at the school has to where it. Make sure it fits, buy it, and then tell said child to get over it.
• Do not reward bad behavior. When a child does something they shouldn't and you smile at them or comment on how cute that is, that let's them know that what they are doing is ok. It's not. When a few years pass and you're trying to figure out why this brat is out of control, refer yourself to the trips to the store as part of the beginning of the problem.
• Do not give your child my displays as toys. My items are not there for your child's destructive pleasure. Chances are your kid has more than enough crap at home to amuse their shortsighted minds. Bring one of those with you when you go out so that I'm not having to mend what they break.
• My office supplies are also not your child's toys. If you would rather not have a child write of something, don't hand them a pen just because they whine for it.
• Do not use my store as a Tumblin Tots gym. Teach your child that there are certain activities that are acceptable in a store and ones that are acceptable on a playground only.
• Clean up the mess your child makes. It is my job to maintain a clean sales floor, yes. It is not my job to play maid for your misbehaving, over-indulged, poorly managed brat. You are not giving me a job by allowing your me to clean the mess your child has made of my store. You are making my job harder and me bitter.
• Finally, if you want to avoid your child throwing a fit when you tell them no, tell the no and stand by your no on a regular basis.
  

In short, I hate your children. If any of the aforementioned points has stepped on your toes, I hate your children specifically. And also, I hate you for not teaching your children and giving me reason to hate them. Your children are going to grow up to be a pompous creeps and it will be your fault. All of it will be your fault.

More books

I contrived a reading list on at the close of December of 2008. I didn't complete it but I did add some variations to the list that I was planning on reading. Over the two years since I have put this list together (a result of my lack of control when it comes to shopping at book stores) I managed to read my way through a twenty book series and maintain my stand of not finishing the Harry Potter series until all of the movies have been screened. Below is my book list extended with the extra books I've read as well as those I am now planning to read.

THE BOOK LIST

1. The Count of Monte Cristo (Complete and Unabridged) Alexandre Dumas
2. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Douglas Adams
3. The Arabian Nights Barnes and Noble Classics Edition
4. Wicked Gregory Maguire
5. Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister Gregory Maguire
6. Mansfield Park Jane Austen
7. Emma Jane Austen
8. Mirror Mirror Gregory Maguire
9. Pride and Prejudice Jane Austen
10. The Devil Wears Prada Lauren Weisberger
11. P.S. I Love You Cecelia Ahern
12. In Her Shoes Jennifer Weiner
13. Sense and Sensibility Jane Austen
14. Northanger Abbey Jane Austen
15. Persuasion Jane Austen
16. Lady Susan Jane Austen
17. Les Miserables Victor Hugo
18. The Restaurant at the End of the Universe Douglas Adams
19. Life, the Universe and Everything Douglas Adams
20. So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish Douglas Adams
21. Mostly Harmless Douglas Adams
22. Young Zaphod Plays It Safe Douglas Adams
23. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone J. K. Rowling
24. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets J. K. Rowling
25. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkahban J. K. Rowling
26. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire J. K. Rowling
27. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix J. K. Rowling
28. Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince J. K. Rowling
29. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
    -though not until after July of 2011
30. Turning Tables Heather & Rose MacDowell
31. Shoots to Kill Kate Collins
32. Sinister Sudoku Kaye Morgan
33. An Abundance of Katherines John Green
34. Dead Witch Walking Kim Harrison
35. Guilty Pleasures Laurell K. Hamilton
36. The Laughing Corpse Laurell K Hamilton
37. Circus of the Damned Laurell K Hamilton
38. The Lunatic Cafe Laurell K Hamilton
39. Bloody Bones Laurell K Hamilton
40. The Killing Dance Laurell K Hamilton
41. Burnt Offerings Laurell K Hamilton
42. Blue Moon Laurell K Hamilton
43. Obsidian Butterfly Laurell K Hamilton
44. Narcissus in Chains Laurell K Hamilton
45. Cerulean Sins Laurell K Hamilton
46. Incubus Dreams Laurell K Hamilton
47. Micah Laurell K Hamilton
48. Danse Macabre Laurell K Hamilton
49. The Harlequin Laurell K Hamilton
50. Blood Noir Laurell K Hamilton
51. Skin Trade Laurell K Hamilton
52. Flirt Laurell K Hamilton
53. Bullet Laurell K Hamilton
54. Hit List Laurell K Hamilton
55. Fahrenheit 451 Ray Bradburg
56. Twentysomething Margeret Feinberg
57. The First Death Laurell K Hamilton
58. Gil Elvgren: All His Glamorous American Pin-Ups Charles G. Martignette & Louis K. Meisel
59. The Good, The Bad, and The Undead Kim Harrison
60. Every Which Way But Dead Kim Harrison
61. A Fistful of Charms Kim Harrison
62. For a Few Demons More Kim Harrison
63. The Outlaw Demon Wails Kim Harrison
64. White Witch, Black Curse Kim Harrison
65. Black Magic Sanction Kim Harrison
66. Pale Demon Kim Harrison
67. Harry Potter: Wizarding Magic Brian Sibley

In an effort to keep this relatively short I'm going to wrap this up here. I'll do a follow up containing the complete list of books that I'm planning on reading in the months to come. I will also note that I have found only one book that goes against my belief that the book is always better than it's movie counterpart. And on that note, goodnight.

Only I can be this convoluted. Why?

I have a girl crush.

What is a girl crush?

A girl crush is for a straight girl what a man crush is for a straight man. That is when a straight girl has a "crush" on another girl, not sexual but kind of idolizing her. Unfortunately my girl crush takes it a few steps further. I'm tacking on these few requirements for as I'm a girl and I can get away with more before being called a lesbian. For all intensive purposes one or both of the following apply:

• You are attracted to a person of the same sex.
• You are turned on by a person of the same sex.

This, of course, is when you don't typically have such feelings for those of the same sex. I, while straight, am attracted to a woman. Therefore I have a girl crush. Sorry Kristen Stewart, but I've just upped your creepy circumstances meter, you as Joan Jett in The Runaways gives me butterflies every time.

This is so much further along than I care to admit. However I feel that if I put it out in the world that I might get over this. I go through the performances in the movie to catch glimpses of her. I slow the film down in order to watch her look up from her guitar. The smoky eyes, the thick eyeliner. The gum chewing. Until now I thought that there was no sexy way to chew anything. I stand corrected. Then there's just her look. I think that's more Kristen than Joan, but whoever is showing through has got it. I don't even know what "it" is. All I know is that it makes me smile and I have to shake my head to clear it and focus. And her hair. I sigh when I think about her hair. Short, black and long enough to move when she plays but short enough to stay out of her face. I can't forget the face, her face. The way she looks at you with the intensity that can say so much. The way she can smile with only the slightest curve of her mouth...

okok, I'm out of it.

All of this and she isn't even real. The actual Joan Jett, in all her glory (and there is a lot of glory) just isn't the same. This girl who is on drugs but brilliant. There are so many things that say no yet I'm still metaphorically running towards her. This is cruel. I need this to pass. I have no idea what to do with myself, how to get over this. I have a headache.

Banana Pudding!

So yesterday today was approaching. What was so special about today was that it was the last day for our summer staff at my nine to five. I just recently finished revamping my cookbook and excited as I was for my finished product I took the book to my job and showed it off. I had everyone looking through it, which lead to the "you should cook something for us and bring it to work." Not being able to actually say no to these guys, I gathered up the necessary ingredients and prepared for my first experience of wholly from scratch cooking.

First of all, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was. It definitely was interesting, but not that bad. I got to rig my own double boiler (all those years of watching Food network have proven useful, thank you Alton Brown). I mixed the ingredients a little out of order which, I think, is what resulted in the very slightly gritty texture as an end product. My pudding ended thick...not too runny. It was sweet as expected and no disaster happened as result of me upping the ingredients by 50% in order to have some for home and work. I didn't have to scrap a first or second batch though I was worried at first due to the ingredient order debacle. Everyone was telling me that it was great. I don't think that I have that many people in my life who will eat it and tell me it was good, let alone great, in order to spare my feelings.

I'm deeming my first try at Banana Pudding a success. I slightly gritty success that will get better as I keep making it. I would like to thank my inspirations. Catharine, thanks for you're making me cupcakes for my birthday. Sara, thanks for sharing that cooking is you unwind method. And Ellen and Matt, thanks for my not wanting to tell you know because you happen to be awesome.

I did it! No, not that...

When I was little I would watch my Aunt Maria in the kitchen while she cooked. I admit I found a lot of pleasure in just sitting on the sideline. I even helped a few times. As one of my birthday's approached she asked my what I wanted. I replied that I wanted a cookbook. I wanted her recipes so that I could continue to cook the family favorites.

She gave me one. My very own cookbook titled, very originally, Jasmine's Cook Book: From Aunt Maria 07/01. (I received apologies for the misspelled name.) In this book was a collection of recipes that, while I'm not certain, I believe she gathered from a plethora of sources as well as her own that make appearances at all the major family gatherings.

I loved it! I had it for years...granted I didn't use it much, but it was awesome. Since then I collected recipes that I wanted to try. I wanted to add them into my cookbook but they didn't seem to fit in. My book in though, all it's glory, lacked a few things such as organization. There was no table of contents. Sometimes there would be a beginning of a recipe here and the end of it five pages later. Or a beginning of a recipe with no ending and vice versa.

Well, as my senses grew this just wasn't enough. I wanted to add my own and organize those recipes that were there. Then out of nowhere my friend Meagan dumped 10 back issues of Rachel Ray's magazine in my lap and it was a done deal. I really perused Jasmine's Cook Book and put recipes together as well as sorted the recipes into some sort of semblance of order. I spent weeks going through the mags, finding what I wanted to try and vetoing the not-gonna-happens, cutting them out and sorting them into groups of main ingredients. With that finished I started pasting them to sheets of colored card paper all while cataloging what was on what page. Then the arts and crafts portion was done and I had to move into the most difficult part: manufacturing a numbering system for order and some semblance of professionalism. I have to say it's the most professional part of the entire book. I now have a 20-page Table of Contents to organize the 430something recipes into list that sort them by main ingredients as well as by page number and alphabetically. All of this I have compiled into *drum roll please* Jasmin's Cookbook: From Aunt Maria 07/01 Enhanced by me 08/10

I would just like to say that I appreciate the foundation that my Aunt Maria gave me in 2001 (I still can't believe that it's been that long) and that I'm excited about this same book all over again. I made a few mistakes that I refused to go back and fix...(e.g. the Apple Stuffed Sausages in the dessert section), but it's not to shabby if I may say so myself. Here's a couple more pics.