simple, silver circle

To many people it's just a ring. A ring that I wear everyday, without fail. A ring that I have worn since I was a sophomore in high school. Not in the least bit ornate, just a silver ring.

To me however it is a promise. A promise made before God, the witnesses in the church, and my family and friends. A promise that I will treat my fellow women with the utmost respect, that I will hold fast to greater virtues than my fellow man, and that I will abstain from sexual intercourse until I am married.

Any promise made comes with a cost. For in promising the last I made a vow to live my life alone and only pass through the most trivial of relationships. I made a promise that barred me against finding what I want because no one abstains from sex when they can find it anywhere. When 199 out of 200 girls are saying yes why waste time with the ones who are saying no? I heard of studies that say marriages where the people waited until after there vows to have sex usually end in affairs so the people can see what else is out there. A person can't even be said to have a friend of the opposite sex without people claiming that they are sexually active with one another. In a world where it is so common, how can a girl find someone who will rise above the rest.

You never see someone change their disposition so quickly as when you tell them no. I've had men ask me to go get a room after knowing me for twenty minutes. I've been propositioned twice without having even exposed myself. I've had a pending realtionship die in twleve hours. I've even had a guy congratulate me for my commitment one moment just to try to talk me out of it the next. But why would I want any of them to begin with? Why would I even bother to long for a man who has no respect for me? I don't. My anger comes from it constantly being the same problem. From being perceived as piece of meat and not getting any respect becaue so many women prior to me have allowed him to believe that this is the way it should be.

• I'm tired of living in a world where a guy get a pat on the back for disrespecting girl after girl.


• I'm tired of living in a world where women are the only ones held accountable for the amount of people with whom they had sex.


• I'm facing the fact that because I refuse to put myself out there that most men won't bother to waste their time with me.


• I'm facing the fact that since sex is the key to a good relationship in this world that the men who do bother with me won't stick around for long.

I'm trying to cope with being and staying alone, because even though I feel the full weight of this small, silver ring on my left hand I won't rescind my promise.

HA! I knew it!

I have been an avid radio listener for almost a decade now and just last night I solved a mystery that I have been wondering about for about have that time. Well, not solved it so much as officially discovered. I have not ever been keen on listening to radio commercials. Especially when I am keyed up and I am using the radio to wind down. For me, radio commercials only cause more agitation. So I have ten radio stations that I listen to and about five that are favorites. Then on top of all of that there are at least four of the stations that play the same genre of another one of my favorites.



So now that we have all of the background information, here's my point.



106.1 Kiss FM has always bugged the crap out of me by playing their songs just a half beat faster than they were recorded. I used to notice this and ask people if they heard it as well. The answer was usually no. I am the type of person who sings along as closely as I can get to the artist. I like to know the phrasing, breathe when they breathe, and hold the note for exactly the same amount of time with the same level of power. So, if I have "trained" myself up on a song on a different station and then I listen to the same song on Kiss FM I immediately feel the difference.



When I first started to listen to Kiss FM I was also heavily into R&B. That was when I first noticed the modified speed on all of the songs with black artist. I even went so far as to think that it was a racial issue. Well, last night I found out that I was wrong.

I am a fan of P!nk. I have been since she busted on the scene with "Get the Party Started." It appealed to my immature taste at that point of my musical fanhood. Recently I acquired her newest CD, Funhouse, and fell in love with it. Everything about it plays on my interest: the way the music paints the image of her being in a Funhouse (on that track anyway), the double meanings in her lyrics, the stories that she tells. It's a fantastic CD. P!nk just released her second single off of her Funhouse CD, one of my favorites "Sober." It came on the Kiss FM and I felt almost immediately that the timing is off. Of course, then I realize that it is the station speeding up songs again. But as usual there was no one around to listen for this flaw with me, so I decided to see for myself if I am imagining it or if this is actually happening. I went to get my iPod and found the song and listened. I was trying to see if the timing would be noticeable if it was played side by side with the original speed. I couldn't get it directly aligned, so I settled for being a little ahead of the radio. While I was still trying to discern the difference of the lengths of pauses and held notes the radio answered my question. As I was listening the radio caught up with my iPod, ran about three beats in sync, then continued on ahead.

EUREKA!!!! Now I want to get in touch with the station and know why it is that they play the songs faster. That is my next mission.

alright, alright I admit it

As a woman, the last thing that I want anyone to ask me when I am upset is, "is it that time of the month." That question is a warrant for sudden death for the asker.

It used to be anyway. Well, over the last week I have been off. I have little patience as is, but this past week everyone and everything has driven me up the wall without much provocation. My headaches were out of control (that I blamed on my caffeine withdrawal). Then there was the nausea...that was just strange, it doesn't happen often. Usually, after all is said and done I will reflect and admit that I was indeed PMSing. That, however, was never warrant for anyone to assume it just because I am able to admit it. But now I am finally allowing it. Hello, I am Mon'que and I PMS. I am now opening it up to people who know me enough to ask if I am in that time of the month. I am tired of going through it without anyone who could understand. I think that if I have someone, at least one person, to recognize what was happening it could help to ease the tension.

The only problem is that as a woman some things are just not going to make sense. Now, the thing is, that question, no matter how true it is is still a sticky subject. It has to be said the correct way to keep me from frying the person with my eyes. This is where my being a woman comes in. You see, I have no idea what the right way to ask the question is, I just know that the wrong way will not be accepted. It depends on so many things to make it happen and be alright. Things like: how much the person knows me, the tone of the question, the reason for asking...among other things. See, the woman of me.

Anywho, I have finally decided to stop hiding behind sexism and start facing the facts. When I PMS it throws me off. I need to come out and say it so that people will know and possibly back off.