simple, silver circle

To many people it's just a ring. A ring that I wear everyday, without fail. A ring that I have worn since I was a sophomore in high school. Not in the least bit ornate, just a silver ring.

To me however it is a promise. A promise made before God, the witnesses in the church, and my family and friends. A promise that I will treat my fellow women with the utmost respect, that I will hold fast to greater virtues than my fellow man, and that I will abstain from sexual intercourse until I am married.

Any promise made comes with a cost. For in promising the last I made a vow to live my life alone and only pass through the most trivial of relationships. I made a promise that barred me against finding what I want because no one abstains from sex when they can find it anywhere. When 199 out of 200 girls are saying yes why waste time with the ones who are saying no? I heard of studies that say marriages where the people waited until after there vows to have sex usually end in affairs so the people can see what else is out there. A person can't even be said to have a friend of the opposite sex without people claiming that they are sexually active with one another. In a world where it is so common, how can a girl find someone who will rise above the rest.

You never see someone change their disposition so quickly as when you tell them no. I've had men ask me to go get a room after knowing me for twenty minutes. I've been propositioned twice without having even exposed myself. I've had a pending realtionship die in twleve hours. I've even had a guy congratulate me for my commitment one moment just to try to talk me out of it the next. But why would I want any of them to begin with? Why would I even bother to long for a man who has no respect for me? I don't. My anger comes from it constantly being the same problem. From being perceived as piece of meat and not getting any respect becaue so many women prior to me have allowed him to believe that this is the way it should be.

• I'm tired of living in a world where a guy get a pat on the back for disrespecting girl after girl.


• I'm tired of living in a world where women are the only ones held accountable for the amount of people with whom they had sex.


• I'm facing the fact that because I refuse to put myself out there that most men won't bother to waste their time with me.


• I'm facing the fact that since sex is the key to a good relationship in this world that the men who do bother with me won't stick around for long.

I'm trying to cope with being and staying alone, because even though I feel the full weight of this small, silver ring on my left hand I won't rescind my promise.