don't let it consume you

For the last year and a half I have been told over and over again not allow my money issues to consume me. I, however, didn't know any other way to go about it. I'm 20 years old and live in America where credit is everything. At the rate I am going I would be fortunate if someone allowed me to rent a cardboard box in the future. First I have to say exactly how everything got so screwy.

I went to school.


Funny how trying to better myself is the reason that I am screwed almost to the point of no return. I decided to continue in my education and in doing so I created a cluster fuck of debt and monetary responsibities that I cannot handle. I particularly love the way it all happened. I went to the University of Tulsa, finally ran out of money and had to look for more loans on top of the three that I already had out. I couldn't get one and was promptly kicked out of school.



It was because I had no money that I left school. I have no money. None. Of course the people have to be paid. I was home and left to my self-pity for three months before I received a threat that my balance was about to go into collections. Fantastic. Then I had all of the loan companies that had given me money to first go to school trying to get their money back. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't like I didn't see this coming. It was just really overwhelming and each time I got a letter letting me know exactly how much money I didn't have I was told to not let it get to me. At the time that didn't seem plausible. It was after all my credit on the line.



Things started to look up when, after three months of looking, I finally found a job. Then with a steady paycheck I was able to set up a payment plan with the school and give them an automatic $250 that came out of my account each month for a year. Nice right? Wrong. In all this greatness I got my own apartment and decided to pick up a few more bills. Meanwhile the loans that I left to themselves decided to at last come after me. I am about to single handedly default on three loans all at once. Then I had to think about the ending balance for the school. Yes, giving them $250 a month is fine and dandy but once the year is up they want the remainding balance in one lump sum payment. Which mean: another loan. I couldn't get a loan when I was at school with them and with recent events of both of my credit cards going into collections (both my fault, I am aware) and not being able to pay back the loans that I currently have out. I'll be fortunate if a friend loaned me a dollar cash from here on out. All of this and

I am not supposed to let it get to me? Yeah right.


To top it all off I got a letter yesterday telling my that I missed a payment for the TU. It comes out of my account automatically, how did I miss a payment? I thought the money was there. Upon checking my balance before and after the scheduled withdrawal there was a considerable amount taken out. Now, I have to call the bank. I got the letter telling me that they would try to get the amount on the 20th, yesterday, the day I got the letter. That gave me no time to prepare and I know that the money isn't in there now. Which means: a NSF charge. Fantastic. Funny though, when I read that letter it was the first time something about my money issues didn't make me almost cry. Maybe I am no longer letting it get to me. I just have to accept that my credit is screwed.