Addictive Personality

I find that I have a serious issue with addictions. If it isn't to my friends or the internet then it's to people who I will possibly never get the chance to meet. I consider my addiction a response to me just being plain lonely at times. It is going to look bad, but I mean, it's not that bad. I mean I'm not stalking anyone...unless internet stalking counts. If it does, fair enough, but first you must tell me what the heck actually is internet stalking. But I digress.

I went through a phase where I was needing to be distracted by something...anything. I couldn't face my thoughts because I was dealing with the latest bout of depression. I've gone from hitting the caffeine to popping headache meds in order to get through my caffeine withdrawal.

Anywho, the first was the Jonas Brothers. I fell in love with their song "When You Look Me in the Eyes." I was hooked on them. I couldn't even find a reason. I just wanted to figure out a way to get to know them. But they didn't cause as much issue as the later obsessions. I listened to their music, bought the CDs and did a little internet looking to find some extra info about them. Only a little. I just enjoyed them. They fascinated me...and I thought Kevin was cute. Alright, alright, I gushed over them. Did what every other teenage girl did and got flutters when I thought about them.

But it passed, thank the Heavens.

While the Jonas's did cost me a little bit of my dignity because of the lack of control I felt concerning them, that addiction pales in comparison to my addiction/obsession with *sigh* the Harry Potter cast. They snuck up on me and before I knew it I was all about them. I have no idea how it happened. I remember only wanting to watch the Harry Potter movies. Then I was suddenly really fascinated in Alan Rickman's character choices. The man is amazing. (Matthew Lewis thinks so too.) Since I am a fan of ginger-heads I had a major crush in the Phelps Twins. They are amazingly beautiful men. (I do know that they are in fact not ginger-heads at all.) I found that I like them a lot better when they are natural with their brown hair. (Which is so dark brown that I thought it was dyed.) Once I started looking for interviews of theirs, I stumbled across one with the James and Oliver, Katie Leung, and Matthew Lewis (the breath-takingly gorgeous Matthew Lewis). From there everything Ping Ponged. In looking up an interview for one person I find an dual interview and from there I start looking up another person. It spiralled out of control until I finally found myself indulging in interviews with Emma Watson, Rupert Grint (an actual ginger-haired stud...you can believe I'm crushing on him hard), and Daniel Radcliffe. Naturally the supporting actors and actresses don't have as many video interviews. This thing has bit me hard. I felt like I was in love. I would go to work then suddenly find myself smiling at something said in an interview. This happened a lot. I was constantly thinking about them as if they were people that were in my face, people that I dealt with on a personal level. I looked them up on the net during my lunch. I had them on the brain at all times.

I even ended up analyzing them. I found that I can only watch interviews with Rupert Grint if they are asking him legitimate acting questions. Otherwise he averages about three "I don't knows" a question. Then the interviewers start to get snippy with him and it makes me angry. Daniel is extremely funny and very witty. I, however, am a huge fan on Matthew's wit and *gushes* I can't get enough. I enjoy the way he dodges questions that could get him in trouble if answered the wrong way. I watch some of his interviews two or three times over and still laugh just as hard. I love Emma Watson's grace in the way that she politely ignores stupid questions. I even enjoy that Oliver Phelps is soft-spoken at times. I hate how some people make them [the Phelps Twins] perform as if it is their divine right to get a private show. Being the kind men they are they just politely comply. It bugs me that they are put in that awkward situation.

But Rupert. I enjoy him. He doesn't have the answers to stupid questions automatically on tap in his mind (to questions like "if you could invent a plavor of ice cream what would it be?). I love it because at the same time he isn't going to go straight for the answer that you want to hear. How many actors are brave enough to do that? Not many, they are afraid of losing their fan base. (A genuine fear to have, I know.) He is in one of my favorite movies. Well actually he is in six (and counting) of my favorite movies, but Driving Lessons is freaking brilliant. Julie Walters and Laura Linney are amazing. I am hoping to figure out a way to see Cherry Bomb when it comes out.

I have never before followed a actor, singer, movie, or even a song this closely. I used to just stumble across it whenever I stumbled across it. Now I'm looking ahead to the when they happen. How did I get like this? One crush on two guys and now I can't get over any of them. Heck. In this long entry alone I didn't even mention the others. That ping pong bounce around them that landed me to Daniel has a lot more steps then I let on. It went something like this:

• look up interviews for the Phelps twins, found interview with them, Katie Leung and Matthew Lewis, another with them and Matthew Lewis
• look up interview with Matt Lewis, found one w/ her and Katie Leung
• look up Katie Leung, found some interviews
• look up Tom Felton, only found the interview with the Slytherins
• looked more for him, found two maybe three others, got annoyed
• looked up Alan Rickman, got a few interviews
• looked up Imelda Staunton, didn't stay on her for long
• looked up Bonnie Wright...moved on quickly (no offense)
• looked up Gary Oldman, found interview with him and David Thewlis
• looked up David Thewlis, found out he wrote a book
• revisited some searches of Lewis, Phelps, and Felton
• looked up Jason Isaacs, found a good one
• looked up interviews of Emma Watson, on the Rupert Grint, and finally Daniel Radcliffe
• listened to a couple Watson interviews
• got annoyed with Grint interviews
• got into Radcliffe interviews
• looked up Radcliffe interviews about December Boys and Equus
• revisited old searches of others
• looked up Grint interviews about Driving Lessons
• stumbled across a press conference
• looked up Harry Potter press conferences
• and so and so forth

I am sure that there are a few steps that I missed. This was a process that took me three weeks to go through. I lost sleep over this...a lot of sleep. I was consumed by it. It was all I wanted to do. It was the first thing that I did when I got home at night. I think I can breathe now,that the worst has passed. Of course not before I bought Driving Lessons, Ballet Shoes and December Boys. No one knows the extent of what this was to me...and they probably never will.