Let's continue to talk about my inability to put something together for the blog. Maybe my rash actually was my subconscious thought knowing that I really wouldn't have anything to write about for very long. I know myself on a deeper level than I could have imagined.
I should apologize for my last entry. As the title of this one states, it's garbage. What's funny is I have been caching ideas for things to discuss since this idea came into my head in November. There are at least four drafts that I could have used when I realized that I wasn't going anywhere with my writing.
But let's face the truth, I'm using this rant against myself to buy another day so I can say I wrote something, whilst having nothing to write about.
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Monday, January 13, 2014
There's a lot bumping around in my head
I don't think I'll share all of it. I just don't think I'll have an easy time focusing on one train of thought. What did I talk about yesterday?...
Oh right, causing myself to breakout. I've been talking about that for two weeks or so. I decided it's my stress levels and what not. New topic.
...
Why is this so hard?
I'm excited about something that is also rather daunting. Nothing is set in stone. I can't even allow myself to really write about this. OK, something else.
There is a thought in my head that I keep trying to catch and share. It's elusive and I know it's there but I can't bring it forth. It was probably a rant. Something about feeling upset easily over how I'm treated. Oh wait, that's it. That's exactly it, but I'm out of time. I was just summoned to help my mother and have to give up my unsuccessful attempt to write this blog. Here's hoping I have something to contribute tomorrow.
Sunday, January 12, 2014
Psychosomatic
That's it. I've determined for sure that this rash I am dealing with is all mental. It's completely psychosomatic. I've been suspecting it since my worst breakout was when I was freaking out on my way to work. Today it let me know that it's all in my head.
Today was my first day where I didn't have to any obligations... almost. I had to go help my mother because I apparently like to have conversations with her in my sleep and make promises that I don't fulfill. So besides needing to finally make good on my sleep talk, I didn't have anything to do. I did have need to take care of some life back up but I opted out.
So back to mental rashes. I tried to blame my breakouts on something that I am possibly laying in on my bed. It didn't quite make sense, but I considered it. It isn't. I stayed in bed for most of the day. YouTube is the only thing that I gave any attention. It was three in the afternoon before I considered that I hadn't seen my phone all day and I may have left it at the restaurant the night before. Three in the afternoon when I finally looked around and thought that I should be using this free day to tackle my life back up. Up until this point I've been laying around in bed. Meaning that I hadn't even gotten up to properly eat. I haven't even thought about itching. Three o'clock and it took two minutes of thinking about all that I needed to do for the rash pop up on both legs. I'm doing this to myself.
What is up with my life that all it takes are thoughts to break me out in a rash? A RASH!
I was suspecting that I may be dealing with too much. I don't know if it's the work load or the non-work stress, but something has me freaking out. So much so that it's manifesting itself outwardly. I've heard of people who got rashes from stress. I've heard of people who's health was affected by their daily lives. I understood concept but for the most part to me it was just a concept. It was a few years ago that I started getting stress headaches. People would say (what I would deem) stupid things to me that complicated everything and I would immediately have a headache. I haven't had that in a while but now I have a rash that comes on when I'm stressed out.
Well, here's one thing to consider: if I'm doing something and I start to itch, I'll know that that action isn't conducive to my mental health and happiness.
Today was my first day where I didn't have to any obligations... almost. I had to go help my mother because I apparently like to have conversations with her in my sleep and make promises that I don't fulfill. So besides needing to finally make good on my sleep talk, I didn't have anything to do. I did have need to take care of some life back up but I opted out.
So back to mental rashes. I tried to blame my breakouts on something that I am possibly laying in on my bed. It didn't quite make sense, but I considered it. It isn't. I stayed in bed for most of the day. YouTube is the only thing that I gave any attention. It was three in the afternoon before I considered that I hadn't seen my phone all day and I may have left it at the restaurant the night before. Three in the afternoon when I finally looked around and thought that I should be using this free day to tackle my life back up. Up until this point I've been laying around in bed. Meaning that I hadn't even gotten up to properly eat. I haven't even thought about itching. Three o'clock and it took two minutes of thinking about all that I needed to do for the rash pop up on both legs. I'm doing this to myself.
What is up with my life that all it takes are thoughts to break me out in a rash? A RASH!
I was suspecting that I may be dealing with too much. I don't know if it's the work load or the non-work stress, but something has me freaking out. So much so that it's manifesting itself outwardly. I've heard of people who got rashes from stress. I've heard of people who's health was affected by their daily lives. I understood concept but for the most part to me it was just a concept. It was a few years ago that I started getting stress headaches. People would say (what I would deem) stupid things to me that complicated everything and I would immediately have a headache. I haven't had that in a while but now I have a rash that comes on when I'm stressed out.
Well, here's one thing to consider: if I'm doing something and I start to itch, I'll know that that action isn't conducive to my mental health and happiness.
Saturday, January 11, 2014
Something to consider
I realized that when it comes to being a customer I really don't know the first thing about the job the person serving me is working. It's something that is obvious but still needs to be said. How many times has a situation arose only for the first response to be "it's not that hard?" I don't know that. I don't know the first thing about their job. Especially if I haven't worked it. Heck, even if I have who knows what's changed since I left. I went to a restaurant the other day where the girl who was filling the orders looked confused. She would pull some things off the line and put them in the bag then just sit the bag aside. She wouldn't give what appeared to be the filled order out. Just stand there looking like a deer in headlights. I'm standing there with the impression, "are you new?"
It turns out the orders were not complete. The reason she wasn't giving them out was because they were still in want of something. You know, just making sure the customer had everything they paid for. Crazy thought. It was the kitchen that was holding up the orders, but since all we could see was her looking confused (as she stood there not knowing what to do with herself while she waited), it was assumed that she didn't know what she was doing. That was when it hit me, I have no idea what a person's job entails. I don't know the difficulty of their job because I don't have their job.
There is a video that this company makes all of their employees watch. It basically says that every customer has a story. Watch how you treat people because you don't know what they are dealing with. I find it funny because I feel that that goes both ways. We should remember as customers that every employee is 1. human and 2. has their own individual story. I know we don't like to think of the person serving us as another human that shares our Earth, but they are and we shouldn't discount that they have feelings.
It turns out the orders were not complete. The reason she wasn't giving them out was because they were still in want of something. You know, just making sure the customer had everything they paid for. Crazy thought. It was the kitchen that was holding up the orders, but since all we could see was her looking confused (as she stood there not knowing what to do with herself while she waited), it was assumed that she didn't know what she was doing. That was when it hit me, I have no idea what a person's job entails. I don't know the difficulty of their job because I don't have their job.
There is a video that this company makes all of their employees watch. It basically says that every customer has a story. Watch how you treat people because you don't know what they are dealing with. I find it funny because I feel that that goes both ways. We should remember as customers that every employee is 1. human and 2. has their own individual story. I know we don't like to think of the person serving us as another human that shares our Earth, but they are and we shouldn't discount that they have feelings.
Sleep...
Another night spent sleeping my life away. I prepared but detoured to my bed for what I thought would be two hours. It ended up being ten and a half. Blissful sleep. I'm clearly not getting enough of it since naps keep turning into bedtime. I have an observation to discuss for later.
Thursday, January 9, 2014
There's a cap on my world
I always find it strange that I seem to have such strong emotions for the things I appreciate. I mean I know I like it, but I'm also acutely aware of my possible overuse of the word love. It just happens to be the best representation of my emotions about things that surround me. As I've been told before, I have a tendency to overcommit.
So what is it that I love now? The weather. Well, the fog to be more specific. Today was the first time that I've experienced an entire day of fog. Where I live, if fog is in the forecast, it's around when you wake up and a distant memory by lunch time. Since it isn't a common thing, that's probably why I find it fascinating.
To me fog is the sky closing in a little. A cap or ceiling to my outdoors. It reminds me of a wall you might find in Willy Wonka's chocolate factory. There in front of you blocking your view but not matter how far you walk you can never reach out and touch it, let alone lean against it. The tops of buildings are cut off and thoroughfares are turned into dead ends. The world changes around you with the isolation of the landscape. As I write this it dawns on me that I am painting a nightmare for the claustrophobic, though that isn't how I mean it. It's just one of those things that the weather gives me to stare at for a while.
Insert crummy picture that doesn't do it justice.
So what is it that I love now? The weather. Well, the fog to be more specific. Today was the first time that I've experienced an entire day of fog. Where I live, if fog is in the forecast, it's around when you wake up and a distant memory by lunch time. Since it isn't a common thing, that's probably why I find it fascinating.
To me fog is the sky closing in a little. A cap or ceiling to my outdoors. It reminds me of a wall you might find in Willy Wonka's chocolate factory. There in front of you blocking your view but not matter how far you walk you can never reach out and touch it, let alone lean against it. The tops of buildings are cut off and thoroughfares are turned into dead ends. The world changes around you with the isolation of the landscape. As I write this it dawns on me that I am painting a nightmare for the claustrophobic, though that isn't how I mean it. It's just one of those things that the weather gives me to stare at for a while.
Insert crummy picture that doesn't do it justice.
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
I did say I could do it
I took on a work load that I thought could turn out to be more than I could handle. On top of working full time at job 1 I quadrupled the amount of hours I worked at job 2. This turned my wonderful little 46 hour work week into a 60+ hour work week. It took me about three hours of borderline hyperventilating just to convince myself that I could do it. Needless to say I had a lot on my plate.
When approached with the opportunity I jumped on it. I have a bit of a thing for owning things and more hours equals more pay equals potential to own more things. It was a no-brainer. I'm always down to pick up more hours when I can. The thing is, I've never worked this much. Ever. I've done the full work load for school and I've done a smathering of overtime over the years. I'm not afraid to stretch myself a little thin at times. I've just never committed to 60 hour weeks for months at a time. All that being said, I did commit myself to working a lot and now I've completed it.
It was a bittersweet moment when I finished tonight. I was done, I succeeded... ish. I showed myself that I can handle a littl more work. I also showed myself that my level of commitment gets harder to fake when I'm tired. Now I get to reintroduce myself to an old friend, sleep. I'm not sure how this meeting is going to go, but I have an inkling that the dialogue will sound something like this:
Me: Whoa! Sleep! Dude, how have you..? It's so good to see you.... Wow, umm. I don't know if you remember me. We met before a long time ago.
Sleep: Yeah, hey. I remember.
Me: Dude, I didn't realize you still hung out around here.
Sleep: I've always been here. You kind of fell off the grid... Busy, right?
Me: It's been nuts for me. But that's all behind me. You and I have a lot of catching up to do.
Sleep: Uh, yeah sure. You know I'm free when you are...
Me: How about right now?!? I have so much to tell you.
The scene ends with me happily tucked in bed for more hours than are necessarily healthy. I can't wait. This work week isn't quite over for me.
Due to scheduling conflicts and God loving me, for the first time in three or four months I have two days off in a row. My only thoughts are of me running around in circles pretending to be an airplane as I try to fanthom what on earth I'll do with myself for two days. I may not get out of bed at all on day one. Then again, I may as my life is seriously backed up.
Oh, sleep...
When approached with the opportunity I jumped on it. I have a bit of a thing for owning things and more hours equals more pay equals potential to own more things. It was a no-brainer. I'm always down to pick up more hours when I can. The thing is, I've never worked this much. Ever. I've done the full work load for school and I've done a smathering of overtime over the years. I'm not afraid to stretch myself a little thin at times. I've just never committed to 60 hour weeks for months at a time. All that being said, I did commit myself to working a lot and now I've completed it.
It was a bittersweet moment when I finished tonight. I was done, I succeeded... ish. I showed myself that I can handle a littl more work. I also showed myself that my level of commitment gets harder to fake when I'm tired. Now I get to reintroduce myself to an old friend, sleep. I'm not sure how this meeting is going to go, but I have an inkling that the dialogue will sound something like this:
Me: Whoa! Sleep! Dude, how have you..? It's so good to see you.... Wow, umm. I don't know if you remember me. We met before a long time ago.
Sleep: Yeah, hey. I remember.
Me: Dude, I didn't realize you still hung out around here.
Sleep: I've always been here. You kind of fell off the grid... Busy, right?
Me: It's been nuts for me. But that's all behind me. You and I have a lot of catching up to do.
Sleep: Uh, yeah sure. You know I'm free when you are...
Me: How about right now?!? I have so much to tell you.
The scene ends with me happily tucked in bed for more hours than are necessarily healthy. I can't wait. This work week isn't quite over for me.
Due to scheduling conflicts and God loving me, for the first time in three or four months I have two days off in a row. My only thoughts are of me running around in circles pretending to be an airplane as I try to fanthom what on earth I'll do with myself for two days. I may not get out of bed at all on day one. Then again, I may as my life is seriously backed up.
Oh, sleep...
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