Another video on YouTube has me enthralled. A genius mandolinist found himself impressed with an eleven year old player. After meeting her at a festival, he found himself allowing her to play a tune on his mandolin. Awe struck him when he realize that she did, in fact, know her way around his mandolin. He later invites her on stage while he is in concert. The part of the video that I most enjoy is when they play together live. She's eleven; he's been deemed the top of the line. She has no problem keeping up.
They play a song together, tossing the melody back and forth. Watching this man perform is incredibly entertaining. He is all over the place. It seems that he can never just give you a note or chord, he must also offer you his body to punctuate what he's playing. He’s never in one spot for long. He loses himself in his playing. When he’s playing with his band mates you can tell that he is the source of the excitement as well as is feeding off their energy. It's a very complementary relationship, them on stage. It was different when he was playing with this young girl. In a way, it felt as though he was only on stage to compliment her playing. He deftly handled his part of the melody with an air that he just needed to get through his part so that he can give the song back to her. There was almost an impatience in his playing when he was spotlighted. Most of his focus was on this young lady. He had all eyes on her, watching her fingering and navigation through the song.
There was a gleam similar to that of a proud parent in his eye. The first thing you notice about this performance, is that he isn't moving around as much. During the song the most moving he does is an impatient rocking through his solos and shifting his weight. The fact that he is extremely impressed with her is clear on his face. There was amusement in the form of a open-mouthed smile that just kept spreading the longer they played. I love that a man who is deemed a genius at what he does still has it in him to be impressed and accepting of a rising talent. It isn't just that he played with her, it's that he was completely complimentary of what she was capable of. It is that he made it clear that he enjoyed every minute of it. I can't truly say that I'm impressed as that would be far too pretentious of me. I just love it. I love his enjoyment. I love her talent. I love his encouragement of her. I know it seems as though I toss that word around a lot, but music is something that is very dear to my heart. His talent and his use of it, for not only his own personal gain but also those around him, is touching all the way down to my toes. It is moments like this that me proud to be a fan.
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Friday, February 8, 2013
Super fan or stalker
At what point does a super fan turn into a stalker? I mean there must be a fine line. Considering that all of the typical stalker characteristics (e.g. following, reaching out for communication, and keeping tabs on them) are considered all right if you have a person who is famous enough to handle it. If a person decides to completely lose themselves in the minutiae of someone else's life does that make them crazy? Obsessed maybe, but crazy? Is obsession immediately a bad thing? I feel that if there is no desire to camp outside of anyone's personal home then things should be fine. Should be... possibly?
I have an addictive personality. This is, of course, a self diagnosis. I may find under certain psychoanalysis that the only thing that plagues me is an obsessive personality. I wonder if that is a strand of OCD, obsessing over things in phases. I also wonder if obsessive personality and addictive personality are two pages out the same book, cause let's face it, when you look at the definitions of the two, what is the real difference? You're addicted, you're obsessed. Can you be addicted to obsessing? Apparently I'm addicted to rambling, so I digress.
I go through phases where I decide to put my complete focus on one thing. Whether it is a person, place or thing does not matter. I've had bands keep me up at all hours of the night. Individual people have been the reason for me to glue myself to a search engine during work. How-to-fact scavenger hunts have put my name on the FBI watch list. It goes on and on. These moments come in spurts. I have a week or three of an intense drive to get my hands on everything I can, and then I peter out. Now I am faced with such a phase. And again I must get back to the point.
I went to a concert about two weeks ago and found that I hadn't known skilled musicians until then. These five gentlemen are incredible. They instill in a person the drive to go home, blow the dust off your own personal instrument and figure out a way to become a fraction of what they are. I burn with the desire to have music coming from the fingertips once more. As I'm sure you can guess these men and their skills are the object of my latest obsession. I scour the internet for interviews. YouTube and I are best friends, doing a dangerous tango to get to the sweet nectar that is the music (believe me; I know how ridiculous this sentence is, but it’s true). Nothing in my music collection sounded right or good for that matter. They are the only thing that I want to hear, talk or even think about. My friends are getting fed up. I've gone from multimedia to written literature and back. I am still very much impressed and left begging for more.
Believe it or not, I am aware that there is a point that I have yet to get to. Now that the back story is laid out, I'll redirect back to said point. Since I enjoy (to say the least) delving into fact seeking missions (about people is where my point lies for this instance), where is the line drawn between super fan and stalker? In the past when I've focused on a person there was a desire to meet them. Maybe have a great conversation. Never, however, was it to the extent of what I'm feeling now. I am not sure if it's because my initial exposure to my obsession was triggered by a live performance which seems to put them on a more reachable level, or if I can relate more to them (doubtful) than the other things I've become fixated on. I want to see them again. I find myself looking up information for festivals that they will be attending. I want to take a class taught by them. I want to learn their craft in order to be able to talk shop. No concert seems too far away. Soundtracks they have contributed to become much more appealing. It's obnoxious.
But what's the difference? Wanting to follow them around on tour is intense, yes. However any given super fan with enough money can say that they have done this at some point. (Money is the true reason I haven't toppled over the deep end.) I want to hang out outside the venues they play at in order to possibly have a shot at a spontaneous picture and meet-and-greet. This, I have found, is something that has been done by their fans before and something that they are more than tolerant about. These guys have even put a spark back in my desire to date a brilliant musician, even though I know I'll most likely be widowed to their craft in the end. (This, I know, is where we start dancing along the borders of creepy. I'm not practicing signing my name with theirs or anything like that. It can be any musician, not just these guys. I just want to be that close to someone that driven and brilliant.) I have a sudden desire to find out everything I need to know about camping and attend music festivals. I just want to experience the music in any way I can. A fan of any genre of music, let alone the band itself, would want to experience as much. So where is the line drawn? I'm not writing letters to them, begging for their attention. I can even resist the urge to send them multiple tweets. There is no desire to surprise them at home. All of the information that I seek out, (interviews, music videos, and documentaries) are things that they put on the internet (sans a few fan posted performances) for people to find.
They are inviting me into their craft. Not their life personally, per se, but the life that they have built around what they do for a living. I'm just taking the invite and running with it. Like a cheetah. I just wonder if I've gone too far. Farther, I'm sure, than anyone I know would deem healthy, but everything I have done is open for the general public to do. Nothing was hacked for me to get my facts. In most, if not all, of these cases I am not alone in seeking things out. I may be the only one going after all of it this intently and all at once.
I don't know why I pounce so fiercely. I have no idea why the minutiae of these guys are so important to me. All I know is that it is. It is the object of my desire. Being fueled by their music is what I want. The feeling that things make more sense with their music in my life makes me eerie. The feeling obviously isn't much of a deterrent. It hasn’t slowed me down at all, actually. I'm going to ride this out to the end. I never have before worked to quell the desire once it starts and I have no intention to start now. I'm interested to see how long this carries on. All in all though, I still stand by thinking on myself only as a super fan.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Supervision
Child rearing is a daunting thing to me. I find that a lot of people don't take it as seriously as I feel they should. I know people are think that I am in no place to talk as I have no children on my own (and let me tell you, this is not something that I want to change). But as I'm opinionated I am going to give my opinion on this.
Allow me to put this in layman's terms: supervision is the difference between a ten year old that is sexually active and one that is a virgin.
For some reason becoming an adult means that one forgets what it was to be a child. People forget just how quickly they could get into something the moment their parents were looking the opposite direction. We forget that as children there were opportunities to get are hands on drugs or alcohol or sexually graphic material. It's out there and readily available to just about everyone. You don't want to find out just how readily available by finding it in your child's possession.
People wonder why I avoid men with children. Besides the fact that I don't care for children, if you are raising children properly, there are serious changes that need to occur in your life. To accommodate a child one need to realize that things are no longer about them. A person needs hunker down and decide that they are second to the child that now needs them. One should integrate oneself into the life of the child not the other way around. I feel that it is something to be discussed with a spouse for years to come not something you jump head first into upon meeting someone. I won't date a man with kids because there aren't enough perks in a temporary relationship for me to make that kind of sacrifice. You have to be there. All the time. Supervision is key. Too many people are trying to live the same life they did before they became a parent and I feel that is wrong. Children change things. The life that was had before is over, dead. If you feel that isn't so, chances your child is being raised incorrectly.
It is because I harbor such strong feelings on this matter that I don't want children. I am way too into myself to focus on a child. Say what you will but at 24, being single and all, I feel that is a rational way to think. Those are my thoughts for now.
Allow me to put this in layman's terms: supervision is the difference between a ten year old that is sexually active and one that is a virgin.
For some reason becoming an adult means that one forgets what it was to be a child. People forget just how quickly they could get into something the moment their parents were looking the opposite direction. We forget that as children there were opportunities to get are hands on drugs or alcohol or sexually graphic material. It's out there and readily available to just about everyone. You don't want to find out just how readily available by finding it in your child's possession.
People wonder why I avoid men with children. Besides the fact that I don't care for children, if you are raising children properly, there are serious changes that need to occur in your life. To accommodate a child one need to realize that things are no longer about them. A person needs hunker down and decide that they are second to the child that now needs them. One should integrate oneself into the life of the child not the other way around. I feel that it is something to be discussed with a spouse for years to come not something you jump head first into upon meeting someone. I won't date a man with kids because there aren't enough perks in a temporary relationship for me to make that kind of sacrifice. You have to be there. All the time. Supervision is key. Too many people are trying to live the same life they did before they became a parent and I feel that is wrong. Children change things. The life that was had before is over, dead. If you feel that isn't so, chances your child is being raised incorrectly.
It is because I harbor such strong feelings on this matter that I don't want children. I am way too into myself to focus on a child. Say what you will but at 24, being single and all, I feel that is a rational way to think. Those are my thoughts for now.
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Something new to do
I have to figure out whether or not it is doable for me to cut fast food and most restaurant food from my diet for the year of 2013. I realized that I will have to seriously start cooking. I know that it will be a challenge. Though it will be helpful to be able to put the money that I would use for fast food towards buying my groceries. I think that I may be asking too much of myself. The more I think about it that more I add on more stipulations. It's not that I keep adding things that I can eat, it's that I keep prohibiting things. Making it harder.
I feel like I can't remember everything I wanted to touch on. I'm watching Julie and Julia. Rather apropos considering that I am trying to cook my way through 2013. Unfortunately it seems to be scrambling my thoughts. I'm still fine tuning my rules for eating next year. Once I have them written out I will post them. Next year should be interesting.
I feel like I can't remember everything I wanted to touch on. I'm watching Julie and Julia. Rather apropos considering that I am trying to cook my way through 2013. Unfortunately it seems to be scrambling my thoughts. I'm still fine tuning my rules for eating next year. Once I have them written out I will post them. Next year should be interesting.
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Having children
Having children is having your heart broken when you wake up one day and realized that they can't stand you anymore.
It's forgetting your years of raising Cain and holding your kids up to standards that you were never able to uphold.
It's sacrificing so much just for it to not be enough.
In having children, it's neglecting at least one of them because you can't be there for everything.
It's being resented for not being there though it's because you're working so hard for them to be there in the first place.
It's having to decide to love your child from a distance so that you can continue to stand each other.
My dreams of child rearing involve being rather close to my child, not loving from a distance. I know that my cynical look on this only sets me up for the alternative of being alone. I'm alone now and from where I'm sitting both situations leave you living in smoldering resentment.
Having children is 30 years to life, and I can't see what I've done to deserve that.
It's forgetting your years of raising Cain and holding your kids up to standards that you were never able to uphold.
It's sacrificing so much just for it to not be enough.
In having children, it's neglecting at least one of them because you can't be there for everything.
It's being resented for not being there though it's because you're working so hard for them to be there in the first place.
It's having to decide to love your child from a distance so that you can continue to stand each other.
My dreams of child rearing involve being rather close to my child, not loving from a distance. I know that my cynical look on this only sets me up for the alternative of being alone. I'm alone now and from where I'm sitting both situations leave you living in smoldering resentment.
Having children is 30 years to life, and I can't see what I've done to deserve that.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
21 Answers: I don't think we're compatible
I really cannot stand this song called 21 Questions. After years of being irritated about it I think it's long overdue that I write down why it bothers me.
The opening lyrics are not as bad as they could be. It starts off giving you a feeling that he could be looking for love:
New York City!
You are now rapping...with 50 Cent
You gotta love it...
I just wanna chill and twist a lot
Catch suns in my 7-45
You drive me crazy shorty I
Need to see you and feel you next to me
I provide everything you need and I
Like your smile I don't wanna see you cry
Got some questions that I got to ask and I
Hope you can come up with the answers babe
Then there the chorus:
Girl...It's easy to love me now
Would you love me if I was down and out? If it's really love then yes.
Would you still have love for me?
Girl...It's easy to love me now
Would you love me if I was down and out?
Would you still have love for me?
Girl...
Moving on to the second verse is where I start thinking he can't possibly be serious:
If I feel off tomorrow would you still love me? yes
If I didn't smell so good would you still hug me? probably not
If I got locked up and sentenced to a quarter century,
Could I count on you to be there to support me mentally? No, no, hell no. What the hell did you do to get locked up for 25 years? That's a pretty good crime and I don't need/want criminals in my life.
If I went back to a hoopty from a Benz, would you poof and disappear like
some of my friends? No, because I wouldn't love you because of your car.
If I was hit and I was hurt would you be by my side? Absolutely
If it was time to put in work would you be down to ride? If by work you mean peddling drugs (or something else illegal), not only are you on your own for a ride but you will also find yourself very single.
I'd get out and peel a nigga cap and chill and drive
I'm asking questions to find out how you feel inside Again, I won't be anywhere mixed up in that, and now I'm seeing why you're worried about your 25 years to life. Now we're tap dancing next to assault with a deadly weapon and murder. I'm NOT going to jail behind you. Not to mention that I can't be here to support you mentally if I'm in jail with you.
If I ain't rap 'cause I flipped burgers at Burger King
would you be ashamed to tell your friends you feelin' me? No.
And in bed if I used to my tongue, would you like that? If you ever get me in bed (i.e. marry me, and let me tell you it isn't looking all that promising), I'll let you know.
If I wrote you a love letter would you write back? Yeah
Now we can have a lil' drink you know a nightcap
And we could go do what you like, I know you like that I have a feeling what I like to do is far off the mark from what you like to do. I'd feel weird asking you to come and it'll be uncomfortable for the both of us.
And that's just the second verse. From there they go over the chorus, driving home the fact that real love is there through thick and thin. But the next verse starts asking questions that not only leave me with the impression that this guy is an idiot, but also angers me:
Now would you leave me if you're father found out I was thuggin'? I wouldn't take my father finding out. Once I figured out that that was your source of income we wouldn't be together.
Do you believe me when I tell you, you the one I'm loving? Unless you give me reason not to (i.e. show signs of serial infidelity), yes.
Are you mad 'cause I'm asking you 21 questions? No, they help us see if we are compatible.
Are you my soulmate? 'Cause if so, girl you a blessing I wouldn't hold my breath on that one.
Do you trust me enough, to tell me your dreams? If I love you, yes.
I'm staring at ya' trying to figure how you got in them jeans
If I was down would you say things to make me smile? Of course, I want to be there to build you up.
I treat you how you want to be treated just teach me how
If I was with some other chick and someone happened to see?
And when you asked me about it I said it wasn't me
Would you believe me? Or up and leave me?
How deep is our bond if that's all it takes for you to be gone? 1. You aren't treating me how I want to be treated if you're with some other girl. 2. If I believed you and you lied to me I'm not the one at fault and you're that much more of a jack wagon. 3. Why are you lying to me? You just told me that you were with her, own up to your mistakes. I won't take you lying to me. 4. Our bond obviously wasn't that deep if you can't stay faithful to me. Don't fault anyone but yourself for my leaving when I find out.
And always remember girl we make mistakes, to make it up I do whatever it take
I love you like a fat kid love cake Stop making so many mistakes and you wouldn't have to keep doing whatever it takes to make it up to me.
You know my style I say anything to make you smile Doesn't this mean that you'll make a habit of lying to me? That is not okay. I don't want a relationship built on lies.
Then again with the chorus and a bridge to carry the song out:
Could you love me in a Bentley? Yes
Could you love me on a bus? Yes
I'll ask 21 questions, and they all about us
Could you love me in a Bentley?
Could you love me on a bus?
I'll ask 21 questions, and they all about us
All in all, this relationship wouldn't work. I need our love to be honest. We make mistakes but I won't condone you lying to me, cheating on me, getting caught up in criminal acts, and expecting me to be your ride or die. He needs to choose a better mode of life. Even the questions I answer yes to seem iffy because his lifestyle lets me know that he's a loser.
The opening lyrics are not as bad as they could be. It starts off giving you a feeling that he could be looking for love:
New York City!
You are now rapping...with 50 Cent
You gotta love it...
I just wanna chill and twist a lot
Catch suns in my 7-45
You drive me crazy shorty I
Need to see you and feel you next to me
I provide everything you need and I
Like your smile I don't wanna see you cry
Got some questions that I got to ask and I
Hope you can come up with the answers babe
Then there the chorus:
Girl...It's easy to love me now
Would you love me if I was down and out? If it's really love then yes.
Would you still have love for me?
Girl...It's easy to love me now
Would you love me if I was down and out?
Would you still have love for me?
Girl...
Moving on to the second verse is where I start thinking he can't possibly be serious:
If I feel off tomorrow would you still love me? yes
If I didn't smell so good would you still hug me? probably not
If I got locked up and sentenced to a quarter century,
Could I count on you to be there to support me mentally? No, no, hell no. What the hell did you do to get locked up for 25 years? That's a pretty good crime and I don't need/want criminals in my life.
If I went back to a hoopty from a Benz, would you poof and disappear like
some of my friends? No, because I wouldn't love you because of your car.
If I was hit and I was hurt would you be by my side? Absolutely
If it was time to put in work would you be down to ride? If by work you mean peddling drugs (or something else illegal), not only are you on your own for a ride but you will also find yourself very single.
I'd get out and peel a nigga cap and chill and drive
I'm asking questions to find out how you feel inside Again, I won't be anywhere mixed up in that, and now I'm seeing why you're worried about your 25 years to life. Now we're tap dancing next to assault with a deadly weapon and murder. I'm NOT going to jail behind you. Not to mention that I can't be here to support you mentally if I'm in jail with you.
If I ain't rap 'cause I flipped burgers at Burger King
would you be ashamed to tell your friends you feelin' me? No.
And in bed if I used to my tongue, would you like that? If you ever get me in bed (i.e. marry me, and let me tell you it isn't looking all that promising), I'll let you know.
If I wrote you a love letter would you write back? Yeah
Now we can have a lil' drink you know a nightcap
And we could go do what you like, I know you like that I have a feeling what I like to do is far off the mark from what you like to do. I'd feel weird asking you to come and it'll be uncomfortable for the both of us.
And that's just the second verse. From there they go over the chorus, driving home the fact that real love is there through thick and thin. But the next verse starts asking questions that not only leave me with the impression that this guy is an idiot, but also angers me:
Now would you leave me if you're father found out I was thuggin'? I wouldn't take my father finding out. Once I figured out that that was your source of income we wouldn't be together.
Do you believe me when I tell you, you the one I'm loving? Unless you give me reason not to (i.e. show signs of serial infidelity), yes.
Are you mad 'cause I'm asking you 21 questions? No, they help us see if we are compatible.
Are you my soulmate? 'Cause if so, girl you a blessing I wouldn't hold my breath on that one.
Do you trust me enough, to tell me your dreams? If I love you, yes.
I'm staring at ya' trying to figure how you got in them jeans
If I was down would you say things to make me smile? Of course, I want to be there to build you up.
I treat you how you want to be treated just teach me how
If I was with some other chick and someone happened to see?
And when you asked me about it I said it wasn't me
Would you believe me? Or up and leave me?
How deep is our bond if that's all it takes for you to be gone? 1. You aren't treating me how I want to be treated if you're with some other girl. 2. If I believed you and you lied to me I'm not the one at fault and you're that much more of a jack wagon. 3. Why are you lying to me? You just told me that you were with her, own up to your mistakes. I won't take you lying to me. 4. Our bond obviously wasn't that deep if you can't stay faithful to me. Don't fault anyone but yourself for my leaving when I find out.
And always remember girl we make mistakes, to make it up I do whatever it take
I love you like a fat kid love cake Stop making so many mistakes and you wouldn't have to keep doing whatever it takes to make it up to me.
You know my style I say anything to make you smile Doesn't this mean that you'll make a habit of lying to me? That is not okay. I don't want a relationship built on lies.
Then again with the chorus and a bridge to carry the song out:
Could you love me in a Bentley? Yes
Could you love me on a bus? Yes
I'll ask 21 questions, and they all about us
Could you love me in a Bentley?
Could you love me on a bus?
I'll ask 21 questions, and they all about us
All in all, this relationship wouldn't work. I need our love to be honest. We make mistakes but I won't condone you lying to me, cheating on me, getting caught up in criminal acts, and expecting me to be your ride or die. He needs to choose a better mode of life. Even the questions I answer yes to seem iffy because his lifestyle lets me know that he's a loser.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Rules for Survival
1) Don't be a creep, it's not nice
2) If you happen to not follow rule number 1 and you are a creep realize that if they start laughing at you... Beware! Chances are they know something you don't. Usually it's something that would hurt more to understand than to remain ignorant of.
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