Sunday, August 22, 2010

Banana Pudding!

So yesterday today was approaching. What was so special about today was that it was the last day for our summer staff at my nine to five. I just recently finished revamping my cookbook and excited as I was for my finished product I took the book to my job and showed it off. I had everyone looking through it, which lead to the "you should cook something for us and bring it to work." Not being able to actually say no to these guys, I gathered up the necessary ingredients and prepared for my first experience of wholly from scratch cooking.

First of all, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was. It definitely was interesting, but not that bad. I got to rig my own double boiler (all those years of watching Food network have proven useful, thank you Alton Brown). I mixed the ingredients a little out of order which, I think, is what resulted in the very slightly gritty texture as an end product. My pudding ended thick...not too runny. It was sweet as expected and no disaster happened as result of me upping the ingredients by 50% in order to have some for home and work. I didn't have to scrap a first or second batch though I was worried at first due to the ingredient order debacle. Everyone was telling me that it was great. I don't think that I have that many people in my life who will eat it and tell me it was good, let alone great, in order to spare my feelings.

I'm deeming my first try at Banana Pudding a success. I slightly gritty success that will get better as I keep making it. I would like to thank my inspirations. Catharine, thanks for you're making me cupcakes for my birthday. Sara, thanks for sharing that cooking is you unwind method. And Ellen and Matt, thanks for my not wanting to tell you know because you happen to be awesome.

Friday, August 20, 2010

I did it! No, not that...

When I was little I would watch my Aunt Maria in the kitchen while she cooked. I admit I found a lot of pleasure in just sitting on the sideline. I even helped a few times. As one of my birthday's approached she asked my what I wanted. I replied that I wanted a cookbook. I wanted her recipes so that I could continue to cook the family favorites.

She gave me one. My very own cookbook titled, very originally, Jasmine's Cook Book: From Aunt Maria 07/01. (I received apologies for the misspelled name.) In this book was a collection of recipes that, while I'm not certain, I believe she gathered from a plethora of sources as well as her own that make appearances at all the major family gatherings.
I loved it! I had it for years...granted I didn't use it much, but it was awesome. Since then I collected recipes that I wanted to try. I wanted to add them into my cookbook but they didn't seem to fit in. My book in though, all it's glory, lacked a few things such as organization. There was no table of contents. Sometimes there would be a beginning of a recipe here and the end of it five pages later. Or a beginning of a recipe with no ending and vice versa.

Well, as my senses grew this just wasn't enough. I wanted to add my own and organize those recipes that were there. Then out of nowhere my friend Meagan dumped 10 back issues of Rachel Ray's magazine in my lap and it was a done deal. I really perused Jasmine's Cook Book and put recipes together as well as sorted the recipes into some sort of semblance of order. I spent weeks going through the mags, finding what I wanted to try and vetoing the not-gonna-happens, cutting them out and sorting them into groups of main ingredients. With that finished I started pasting them to sheets of colored card paper all while cataloging what was on what page. Then the arts and crafts portion was done and I had to move into the most difficult part: manufacturing a numbering system for order and some semblance of professionalism. I have to say it's the most professional part of the entire book. I now have a 20-page Table of Contents to organize the 430something recipes into list that sort them by main ingredients as well as by page number and alphabetically. All of this I have compiled into *drum roll please* Jasmin's Cookbook: From Aunt Maria 07/01 Enhanced by me 08/10
I would just like to say that I appreciate the foundation that my Aunt Maria gave me in 2001 (I still can't believe that it's been that long) and that I'm excited about this same book all over again. I made a few mistakes that I refused to go back and fix...(e.g. the Apple Stuffed Sausages in the dessert section), but it's not to shabby if I may say so myself. Here's a couple more pics.



Sunday, July 25, 2010

What sucks before you die? Life

Wow, I didn't think I would discuss this online. I feel like my life has come at a standstill. I'm watching my friends either moving forward quickly or being complacent with what they have. I even see those having a quarter-life crisis without any means to get out, yet still managing to keep going. I'm told to look at how I want to spend the rest of my life. I don't have a clue. Or if I stumble upon an inkling...I have no idea how to get there. I spend my time tripping over the big picture, not knowing where to begin. Breaking down issues and solving them in sections is not a strong point of mine. I look at the entire clusterf**k and crap myself.

I can do anything. That's what the adults try to program into you when you're young. You can do anything. Well truth, you can't . Not only can you not do anything, but there will definitely be things that they will try to dissuade you against. I want to act. It is a passion of mine. It is not, however, the most secure of careers. Not impossible, but when you are used to security the choice between going out on a limb and settling down leaves you with the premature chills of the lonely breeze on that limb or the regret and boredom of not doing something you love. I'm stuck.

I want to live a life that I love. Problem is that so do other people. There will always be someone better than me. ALWAYS! I will have to struggle for that. Things have not been nor will they be handed to me.

I want to live a life where I don't have monetary problems. Problem: there will always be monetary problems. More money, more problems. And finding a steady job and reveling in it when the only stimulation I get is from my brand new calculator... I'll get bored and burn out. I can't help be see myself losing my job from not having any initiative, well no thanks.

I have recently evaluated my living situation. I hate it. The self-proclaimed proverb I learned in church is ringing in my ears lately. "Life sucks, then you die." I'm allowing this to weigh in on my entire perception of life. I hate my living arrangement. I hate my job. I hate my commute to work. I hate the pointless/useless feeling I feel whenever I get to work. Then how it remains with me as I navigate throughout the day. I hate getting out of bed. I hate being alone. I hate that I seem to not be able to appreciate anything at all. It sucks. Work sucks. Home sucks. In between sucks. I'm floating. Not actively moving forward or going anywhere. I complain about everything, yet do nothing. I'm not changing it, so why am I complaining?

Because it's easy.

Action is hard. Getting up and fighting for a better day requires work. It all requires work. I keep telling myself that if I won't do anything about it, I have no place to complain. I'm ready to work (or hopefully my lack of fulfillment will push me). I have to improve my life. I want to like something...and I would love to love something much more. I need to move forward. Step out of my quarter-life crisis and do something. I want to try another passion of mine on for size. I want to go back to school. And just to keep me on my toes, consider a double major.

Steps to take:
  • apply to University of North Texas
  • research Development Family Studies
  • contact SAT for my scores
  • contact ACT for my scores
  • contact high school for my transcript
  • apply for FASFA
  • contact loan personnel
  • see what ever else is needed and do it
  • find a new job
  • save money to get a car
  • celebrate for moving forward
All of these will be done in whatever order necessary. Just as long as they get done. I'm aiming to be enrolled in school for the 2011-12 school year. Here's praying for a life worth living.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Don't blame me.

I am into Pin-Up art. I love the artistry of the many artist. I love the fluidity of the body movement captured by oil paints on canvas. I love the life placed into the drawings. I love the story and evolution of the iconic pin-up girls, from the Armstrong girl to the Vargas girl. I love Pin-Up. The sexuality of it. The blithe and seemingly lithe qualities of it. I love the art of it. I know from experience that to deny the sexuality of it will turn me into the the-girl-who-denies-to-much. I also know that with the title "Pin-Up" comes the understanding of what some consider soft-core porn. That is not my problem.

Over the years Pin-Up has fascinated me. I couldn't truly tell you why without making myself look or feel bad. With everybody trying to place me under certain labels it was hard for me to stand by and express myself freely. Now that I have delved into the history of the art I find myself facing further scrutiny. Everyone has an opinion on everything. That doesn't bother me until I feel trapped. If I throw something in your face that you don't agree with it is your right to let me know.

Situation: I got a new book on the art of Gil Elvgren. I brought it to work. This book is believed to have 98% of his art compiled together. I took the dust jacket off to avoid and issues about the risqué art on the cover. The book without the dust jacket is black with only the title. I had someone take it upon themselves to open the book and flip through the pages. There was no time for me to explain what it was. There wasn't even time for me to warn about the nudity. They flipped through the book stopping to look at the nudes and giving their opinion. I later was given a talk about how in the future I shouldn't have that book or ones similar to it with me. Someone could take offense and report me.
Reflection: You took it upon yourself to peruse my private property. If you had left my things alone or looked only instead of touched, you wouldn't have known about the racier content (for the book was closed). This is not my fault. You cannot chastise me for something that you took upon yourself to indulge in without invitation. I feel that the advice that was given me was not earned. Instead I shall return the favor: in the future, do not take it upon yourself to go through things that do not concern you. If it isn't yours, leave it alone.

Situation: In the event of needing somewhere to send my items bought online, I have it sent to a friend's house who also happens to be the host of my weekly bible study. The person whose house it is does not mind the art. In fact her only request is that it is not flaunted in front for her son. As much I understand. My sole appreciation of the art of Pin-Up does not fall in the nudes. It is not my mission to sway the steadfast beliefs of the men of that house. Or even to trip them up. This is not for them, it's for me. I recently had two more books sent to their house. I left them both sitting on the the table where I'd removed them from their packaging. One of the other guest saw them, chose to pick up the book titled 1000 Pin-Up Girls, flip through it and cause herself to become angry. I then received a stern talking to about the objectification of women. How these images were all there to give men a happy thought to masturbate to. How it belittled the motivation behind WWII and Vietnam war because the pin-up girls was chosen as a mascot of many troops and plastered on planes. Every argument I had was shot down. This person happens to be apart of a coalition to get women out of the terrible ring of prostitution. As much I was aware. She hates everything that stems the thought that the only thing that a woman can offer a man has to do with sex. That is an amazing thing to stand by. She has placed herself above all things that objectify women. She feels that the only image a Pin-Up girl can give is a sexual one. And yet, she still took it upon herself to open the book that clearly labeled itself for what it was. A walk through the top 1000 pin-up girls.
Reflection: You hate things that objectify women. You see something lying there that has every clue that it will go down an alley that you do not agree with. Do you leave it alone because it isn't yours? No, you take it upon yourself to start finding where you should point the blame. You then choose to not only, point premeditated fingers but to pick up the book to confirm if it is as awful as the title preludes. When it is, you are hyped up and ready to fight. I am thankful for the words of the young man originally accused for owning my books. After the person expressed the continued fact that the women are objectified by men, he states that some women chose to allow themselves to be objectified so the blame isn't all on men. I then remember words from a favorite movie of mine. "Since when is women simply a helpless animal?" We have just as much control over our lives as men do. Just because there are some that are lost in the thought that they are not worth anything, doesn't mean we are all confused about where we stand in the world. She hates that the book was about women selling they're body images, but she took it upon herself to look at the images. I did not shove it in her face. I merely forgot to put it away. If she feels so strongly about it, she should have left it alone. Do not rebuke me for having a part in the process of teaching girls that sex is their only image. Do not take it upon yourself to go through things that do not concern you. You looked at the book, took in it's title and immediately started forming your negative opinions on the subject. Then you got mad that the images in the book followed suit to what the term Pin-Up means to you. Don't get mad at me because you can't let sleeping dogs lie. If it bothers you so much, then by all means don't partake in it in any fashion. That means don't look at it, don't touch it, don't give yourself reason to talk about it. Translation: don't look at my books, don't touch them, don't fuss at me because you can't leave well enough alone.

Why do people feel the need to touch and remark. It isn't yours. Leave it alone. Leave me alone, unless I deserve it by shoving it in your face when you do not agree. If you can't handle it, keep your opinions to yourself. No one's asking you to undergo this great ordeal. If you want nothing to do with it...by all means LEAVE. IT. ALONE.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

I don't know, I'm just...

I'm. So... Tired.

Tired of being angry.
Tired of being sad.
Tired of being down.
Tired of being frustrated.
Tired of being disrespected.

I'm tired of having to bank on my "me time" being interrupted.
Tired of people in my space.
Tired of my things being moved.
Tired of passive aggressive comments.
Tired of not communicating.

Tired of being discouraged.
Tired of being afraid to move forward.
Tired of not being able to explain what I'm feeling.
Of being unable to see through this fog.
Of going nowhere.

I'm tired.
Tired of...

I'm just tired.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Interesting

I think there's a fine line between being a slut and being classy. I walk in between that line. - Katy Perry

I like being a woman, even in a man's world. After all, men can't wear dresses, but we can wear the pants. - Whitney Houston

I don't play that disrespectful hoe shit. And if I catch you with my man, disrespecting, I will beat your ass...and his ass. - Kimora Lee Simmons

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.
- Sharon Stone

Nothing against men...I just liked it.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Gone...I know, not the right boy band.

Every once in a while I am hit with the big realization. Paul Kevin Jonas, Jr. is married. I mean married. Taken. Off the market. A fish that isn't one of the plenty in the sea. He's married.

As an adult I am trying not to be one of the many woman who mourned the day he said "I do" to the girl he's lucky to have (that's right, I said it. Ask him, I'm sure he'd say the same), but being that he is my age he was the only one I could fantasize about dating. The calm yet fun one. Not afraid to laugh and in possession of the dreamy deep voice.

I know a tidal wave of grief swept the nation. Many men, women and children are trying to come to grips with this prized member of the Jonas Brothers having no more need for his purity ring. I am hoping that his wife (that's right, get used to it) doesn't have to deal with the crazies...ladies, he won't leave her because you threaten to kill her. If you endanger her your chances with him will go to nil. Keep your idle threats, letters, and glares to yourself. Go find the nice boy that's been looking at you for the past year or so and date him.

I am a huge fan of the Kevin Jonas...of the Jonas Brothers in general. So here's praying that this marriage continues to be a testament to love. I wish nothing but happiness to Danielle and Kevin Jonas.