My fandom sucks

I find myself in danger of becoming a screaming fangirl who blindly defends the object of their obsession without reason or knowledge. It's a shameful state to be in and I should have seen this coming. There have been many a soliloquy of my happiness to follow people. While I do feel is something wrong with idolatry, I do not feel there is a problem with allowing someone to be a positive influence.


The danger comes when we forget that people are human. The screaming fangirl comes in when a pedestal is placed under someone. It's a shame.

I just want to be a fan. I quite enjoy looking up to people. I want to find others who are more talented than me and encourage them. People who help restore my faith in humanity, as it is really rather low. I enjoy the creative and/or extremely intelligent. Though I will admit to listening more to the creative ones. Rooting for someone has always been my thing. I run into problems when I forget that adults, like the people I follow, can take care of themselves.

I don't need to come to the aid of my fellow adults. For one thing, if they wanted to go after someone who's picking a fight they would. I do not need to commit on everything. I do not need to defend these people. Besides, what on earth am I going to do from behind a computer? Absolutely nothing, that's what. I have to remember my place, not only in my life but in the life of these people. In short, I don't truly have a place in their lives and if I do it certainly isn't prominent. They don't need me to go to war for them and it is childish for me to think so. They can defend themselves.

Sometimes I'm really disgusted when I recognize the amount of growing up I still need to do.