Fog

I am navigating my day through a haze of hormones. It sucks. I can't seem to make a rational decision. Everything is the end of the world. I want a large glass of wine and time to not talk to other human beings. I know that humans are naturally social creatures. I know that insanity awaits those who can't talk and be with other humans.

Sometimes though, I feel like all I need is a little solitary confinement.

Crappy moods and crappier days

Another day going by with my whining about how I can't seem to get out of my bad mood. I wish I had access to better music while I worked. Listening to the same eight elevator songs everyday really weighs on me.

Yesterday was a day of nothing happening. I stayed in bed all day. I think I only got up four times. Twice to use the bathroom and twice to get something to eat. The remainder of my day was spent laying in and watch videos. I had laundry to do, trash to take out, and a room to clean but none of that made it on my to do list. Yet, even with lazing around all day it still felt like the day ended too soon. Going to work today was difficult.

What I get for waiting to eat.

I'm hungry. I've been sitting here for a while too enthralled in what I'm watching to get up and eat. Meanwhile time has gotten away from me. It's far too late for me to be considering food. Yet, I am so ready to eat whatever. Thoughts of many different meals have gone through my head. Between watching videos and wanting to be a loner, I have managed to skip dinner. I want everything now.

I contemplated ordering pizza. Fortunately I was too lazy too look up and deals. Besides I am thinking of ordering pizza tomorrow where I can eat it all day. I knew that I would order two pizzas, even though it's excessive. I managed to talk myself out of it tonight because I didn't want the discomfort of lying on an overstuffed stomach. Admitted overeater.

I wanted Chinese. Someone in one the videos I was watching was eating Thai food that looked like lo mein. That just so happens to be my favorite. Due to having Chinese for lunch plus believing that the place I want Chinese from is closed I was able to nix that option as well.

I considered a burger, Chipotle, Taco Bell and Ramen. None of these has inspired me to get up. I'm still hungry. I'm thinking that I'll probably just settle for Ramen. That or go to bed and deal with it all tomorrow.

Music is my drug

I get paid and what do I do? Buy music. And I mean Buy. Music. I went to a store that had a buy two get one free sale. That called for me getting six albums that I did not need. Then I went on to buy all of the music on my iTunes wishlist plus a few other things that I'd been wanting. Then there is the constant budgeting that I have been doing lately to get to concerts

Oh man. The concerts.

I've been saying for months that I have an itch to experience live music. My latest obsession of live music that has a slow and lasting burn. I've decided to keep feeding it. I have tickets to two concerts already bought. There are plans of attending a third low-key concert where I can't buy the tickets in advance. Yet I'm not done. I still have a fourth whose poor timing I was bemoaning. It was hours of my whining about having plans that I cannot change before I looked at the ticketmaster.com event list and found that I got the dates of two concerts switched. The one I wanted to go to is an open date on my calendar. Now I am sitting here trying to consider whether of not I should work this concert into my bill matrix.

I am in between wanting more social events and needing more alone time. I keep scheduling more events in order to keep up with my project to experience my city. I know I need to work in alone time because if I don't get it, well... I'll just be living in shambles. My room is such a mess already, but I least I have new music to serenade me in dreamland.

Why be normal? Because I need it.

I want a day to sleep in and focus on home. Correction: I want/need two days. One to sleep in and one to focus on home. These things cannot happen for me. I am really bad focusing on my home life when there is anything else happening. I stated last time that I feel drained because I am doing a lot of socializing. I'm finding that if I'm drained I don't have any desire to maintain a tidy room.

Cue the destroyed room. I tried to motivate myself to get around to laundry, but the moment I went to sort my clothes something came up. Now I have two piles of partially sorted clothes on my floor. Not to mention the clothing that piles up when laundry time nears. I also forget to take out my trash like I should. Thank goodness I don't usually place perishables in my bedroom trash. Things need to be stored, clothing needs to be watched, I need to remake my bed... just in general I need to sort out my home life.

Right now though I plan on finally taking myself to bed. I'm realizing that that has been my main sign off for the last few days. I should sleep like a normal person.

Should sleep, don't sleep

I fell into a YouTube hole and almost forget my responsibilities to this page. Since I've been doing a lot of not sleeping when I should, conching out when I shouldn't and further jacking up my sleep schedule, it's been interesting how my mood has been fluctuating. I spent the day in such a funk that I couldn't staple a smile to my face and have it stick. I was told that my usual spunk wasn't present. Once we were finally dismissed for the day I was the first one out of the building, into my car and out of the parking lot. Everyone else be damned.

The thing is, I don't think I had a particularly bad day. I mean my pants did split up the inseam in the morning, but that wasn't enough for me to completely feel the day was lost. In the end I just need to admit to it being sleep deprivation. I get up early. I run all day. Yet I don't have the decency to come home and go to bed at a respectable time in order to prepare myself for what's to come. I'm doing it again now. This habit of not turning in like a smart person has kick started my coffee drinking habits again.

I feel like I need a day in bed to get sorted. I'm on the fence about my ability to socialize the way I want. As I've mentioned, I feel like I need to do more things. I don't know what I'm waiting for when it comes to living my life. Between working my jobs and deciding to go out of town and hang out with friends though, I am feeling pretty beat. Of course that doesn't stop me from getting sidetracked and looking up whether or not Tina Turner repaid the Ramada Inn manager for giving her a room when she left Ike. Oh man, I need to go to bed.

She's getting married

I am freaking out a little bit. My best friend is getting married. For some reason I keep thinking we have more time before her big day. There are many reminders of just how little time is left. Today was the day we celebrated her final days of being single. It was very tame. Less alcohol and strippers, more hot dogs and baseball. A great night. Our team lost but that didn't stop me from eating, dancing and root root rooting for the home team.

She's getting married in three weeks. It's more daunting to me than her. I'm excited but there are a few loose ends that I need to tie before she ties the knot. Either way, bring on the nuptials.