Don't overuse, don't underuse

Yesterday consisted of me being in a crappy mood all day and not knowing what to do about it. I am feeling rather uncomfortable with certain things in my life. I was walking around feeling like I was looking at the world through a fog. It was not conducive to having a productive day. On my way home I weighed my options about how to unwind once I got home. I considered a glass of wine, but then I remembered what I friend said.

"Food is the most overused anxiety drug. Exercise is the most underused anti-depressant."

My mood has been in a bad place for at least two weeks. Things did seem to be improving. My day was ending and all I wanted was to go home, crawl in bed and forget that there are things in the world that needed to be cared about. I decided against doing that. Since I'm more than squishy, I behoove me to commit to working out more. Plus knowing that I'm not in a good place mentally, it can only get better if I get up and move around. I chose the walk over the glass of wine. It helped, rendering me in a way better mood today.

I need to start living by two models: 1. exercise. 2. get sleep.

As for number 2, don't mind if I do.

Don't feed the trolls

I feel as though lately I only ever want to sigh when I venture into the YouTube comments. There are some communities that seem to still have respect for their content creator. They gather around the video to uplift and support. There are communities that seem to converge for the love of a good laugh. Sure there are some idiots in the mix, but it is so insignificant that we can ignoring it is easy. Unfortunately, there seems to be a change happening in some of the online communities. Trolls are trolling. They are trolling and it is pissing me off.

I know better than to feed the trolls. When a person says something for the simple pleasure of causing a commotion it's only silly to respond. No matter what, the response doesn't change anything. It just gives the brouhaha that the comment was there to trigger. Feeding into the attention seeking tactics positively reinforces the behavior. One must remember that starving trolls go away. Don't feed the trolls. I hate it that a couple of my communities I feel passionate about seem to be under attack from troll armies. These armies are coming out in droves. Hateful things are being said, feelings are being hurt, and once again people are forgetting that they are talking to other humans.

There also seems to be an unhealthy sense of entitlement. I constantly want to scream at people that no one owes them anything. I want to scream that things should be appreciated as given. I want to make it understood that while we get what feels like a full story, we still only get what the creator chooses to give. Which could it say nothing to whatever else there may be. I want people to pull their heads out of their butts and see that they aren't that important. However, before I go on a rant about the insignificance on others, I must note that I too am insignificant. It irks me that the sense of entitlement is getting in the way of understanding our fellow humans. People are thinking that just because someone shares a little, that it's a right to demand whatever else we choose.

I hate the cloak that people can hide behind on YouTube. I want trolls to find other hobbies. I wish there was a way to show them a solution to their sad and insignificant lives. As a person who is far too sensitive to the things people do to belittle others, I get too emotional. It makes me angry to see people I care about (even those I don't know personally) getting so much hate. I am far too close to the situation and want to search and destroy when it happens. However commenting back doesn't change the person who made the comment. Feeding the trolls never works. I constantly have to remind myself to ignore them. Don't feed the trolls.

Road trip: Tulsa

My trip to Tulsa came and went. I feel like it ended too soon. Unfortunately I thought there would be internet access where I was. To be fair I didn't try all that hard to get to the internet. I could have tried a Starbucks but that would have taken me away from the sight-seeing that I was determined to do. I digress.

My friend opened her home to me. I in return drug her out of bed and forced her to entertain me with her city. Forget the fact that I lived in that town for a year in a half. We ended up doing things that we had spoke of doing all of those years ago. It was fun. I got to take some pretty awesome pictures. Going to the museum was a particularly beautiful day.

The grotto behind the museum.

I looked up and saw the house through the trees and thought I should remember that.

The back of the museum over the Mirror pond.

Another view of the museum from the Tempietto.

 On the way home I decided that since I didn't have a to get home at any specific time that I'd stop and see what this Scenic Rest Stop was all about. It was really pretty. Again I'm rather stoked that I did. It was well, here...

Now I understand why it's a Scenic Rest Stop.

Then there's me since I get fussed at for not turning the camera on myself.

Not meant to live like this.

So guess who's going crazy in her current living situation? I'll give you no guesses and just tell you it's me. I'm going nuts. Every once in while it hits me that I don't like the fact that all of my stuff seems to always be climbing the walls of my living space. I can hear it now, "get rid of some things." Before I state the expected "it's not that easy," (expected because I've inherited a pack rat gene) I'll explain some of my situation. Or all of it.

Now before I go into too much detail let me state that I am very pleased to have this opportunity to live with the family that has graciously opened their home to me. They have given me a break and I feel I'll never be able to repay them. In fact I feel like I've only really given them reason to regret letting me live here, but I digress. To say I like to be prepared is an understatement. My duffel bag purse is full of things that I don't necessarily need ever day, but might need. That goes for my living space as well.

I used to have an entire one bedroom apartment to myself. That was four rooms that I had places to put things. My kitchen held my dishes and what nots. My bathroom held cleaning supplies and medication. My bedroom was for my clothing and linens. My living room had my media and business items (i.e. computer, television, work tools). You wouldn't know this from the disarray that rules my life most of the time, but I like for things to have a place where they belong. I alphabetize my DVDs and CDs. There is somewhat of a pattern to my books, although it may be a loose pattern. I'm one of those who likes the silverware divider as opposed to dumping it all into the drawer. I had this going for me when I lived alone. For the most part, again I am not the neatest person.

Over the last five years my living situation has changed. I went from living by myself to living with my mother to share the burden of the bills. I'm a very "what's mine is mine" kind of person, so part of my ability to live completely across the place I called home started to diminish there. Instead of having my stuff all over the place they collected mostly in my room and certain spots in the kitchen. Then when I made another move to further my ability to save I went from sharing half of an apartment to living in a bedroom. I live in the bedroom with the expectation that it will not last forever. I have things that will help with the transition of living alone again.

I live in my bedroom with enough items to furnish two other living spaces. Tubs under my bed store things that could be stored in a bathroom. Nooks and crannies have my dishes and groceries. I mostly just miss having a kitchen. I have free range of the kitchen where I live, I just miss having MY kitchen. Dishes stacked up corners and my mug collection still packed in boxes has me feeling a little stir crazy. It's just that the way that I'm living has me feeling like the walls are closing in on me. To give up the stuff that I'm not using makes me feel as though I'm settling to mooch off my landlords forever. I've backed myself into a financial whole that I feel keeps me reliant on their hospitality. I'm fortunate that they have so much for me. I wish I didn't need it so much.

Cranky

Today I went to work wondering why I was extra cranky. I thought I had a good night's sleep. I wasn't hungry or hangry, as someone I know says it. I didn't have any reason, that I could think of, to make me refuse to want to interact with people. Or so I thought.

My day wasn't that difficult. I did my job, and had slightly decent results. The day ended eventually and home I came. On the way I was starting to feel the truth behind my crabbiness. I was so sleepy. No one could get out of my way fast enough. I just wanted to get home and stop having to think.

I came home thinking I would just get off my feet for a bit. I didn't really want to deal with anything, but I was hungry. I remember wondering when I was going to get up and get something to eat. Apparently that was all she wrote. I fell asleep and slept well. I woke up four hours later thinking it was early in the next morning. It isn't.

Now I need to not stay up all hours into the night because I have to get up early. My sleep patterns are so jacked up.

Mayfest

I decided to do a sort of test run for my conduct at Warped Tour. (What? I'm talking about it again? Yes. Get used to it. I'll be talking about it up until it happens and, I'm sure, long afterwards.) I went to a festival called Mayfest. It's held in a park. They set up rides and booths for vendors. They sell food and best of all, the reason I went, they had live music. On four stages set up across the park they had bands rotating throughout the day. While two of the stages had dance and fitness going on, there wasn't an absence of something to see or do.

I wanted to see the dance, but ended up getting there too late. I caught the tale in of a young lady showing what she had learned in her latin dance class. Not exactly what I was looking for. I walked along the river and enjoyed the incredible breeze. On the sports stage I was reminded me that I really should take a Zumba class. Then on the Arts stage there was a band that had a really cool sound

I didn't ride any of the rides but I was a spectator to a lot of things. My favorite thing to watch was the mechanical bull. I don't know what was funnier. Watching people bite it or watching the satisfaction in the operators face when he successfully knocked someone off. There was a long line of children when I started watching. I ended up waiting around to see if I could watch an adult eat it. Evil? No one watches people ride those not hoping for a funny ending. There were times when after a person fell of the operator did a little 1, 2 fist pump in celebration. He definitely has a dark side and was expressing it through his job.

I finished the night parking myself in front of a stage and allowing a band to serenade me with jazz and blues. While I was watching a little girl who couldn't have been older than two got up and danced away the night. To say she was adorable is to state the obvious. Since the sun had set, people started recording her with their camera spotlights on. She always gravitated to the light and danced in front of it. She is definitely a little performer in the making. Someone, after recording her for a bit, finally picked her up and danced with her for a few bars before setting her down in front of her mother. Even in the void where my tolerance for children should be, I had to admit it was something to see.

It was a good night. I'm glad that I didn't talk myself out of going. When it was after 4, and I was still staring at the four walls of my bedroom, I almost convinced myself to just stay at home. Once again I didn't chicken out. Bring on Warped Tour!

Bring on a summer of music

So I managed to not chicken out. The last time I wanted to go to a concert I kept putting off purchasing the ticket even when I had the funds. When I finally got around to buying the ticket, the event was sold out. I was bummed but not really surprised that I allowed the opportunity to pass.

I refuse to allow a repeat performance on my part. Last time I spoke of it I had decided that I'd be stupid to allow someone I cared about to come through my town without going to see them. I made a definitive decision to buy the tickets to Warped Tour the moment I got paid, right after my bills were paid. I bought my ticket yesterday. Now I have to see if those coming with me will get their tickets or not. Either way I'm going. Whether it's alone of not, I don't care. I am going to Warped Tour. I'm so stoked. I randomly burst into a happy dance when I think about it.