My computer

I have it. I already said this, but my excitement still cannot be contained. I'm so pleased with it. ALL of my music is centrally located on it now. It's done. I've moved all the important files onto it. I have Microsoft Office running and my bookmarks are set up. My computer is now officially ready to take over where my previous device has left off.

On that tangent, I get rather attached to inanimate objects. When I hold on to something for a while, even when it becomes obsolete, I don't want to let go of it. Examples of this: one of my first cell phones is now hanging from my rear view mirror; I still have my original copy of Jane Eyre even though it was written for children; I have a jacket from my cheerleading days, I cheered at age 5;  I feel sad to part with my almost eight year old computer. It's slow, there is virtually no memory in comparison to the one I have now, and the processor is out of date. All of that considered, I still have such a hard time packing it up and getting rid of it. I need to be careful or this is going to become the next episode of hoarders.

My new computer and I are still getting acquainted. I don't know all of it's ins and outs, but I'm learning. Now that I feel that it is up to my standards for usability, I can officially take off all the plastic coverings.

So sleepy

I seem to have a thing for punishing myself. It's bad enough that I always seem to be tired. Why do I fight my sleep? I stay up all hours of the night knowing that I'm sleepy. Then that is followed by me fighting the need to get out of bed and get on with life. It's a vicious cycle. I don't go to bed at a reasonable time. I don't want to get out of bed. I spend my whole day tired, missing my bed. Even I can't explain the reasoning behind my foolishness. I just can't.

I'm not in one, yet I'm in some

So I'm doing my thing. Being emotionally trapped by things that really don't affect me. Then I take a look around and find that there is actually a situation in real life that can use my attention.

Relationships.

How is it that I can think, even for a moment, that I know anything about how a person should act in a relationship when I haven't been in one in the last decade? I do, though. I feel I have the most objective view on every conflict. Even admitting that now I know how inaccurate it rings. I don't know anything about the feelings involved in being with someone. I have never been in love. I have never felt anything but lonely when a "relationship" ended. Thinking back, I remember once feeling relieved that things were over after I was dumped.

Relationships seem to be taking crazy turns all around me. Some changes are making me angry. Some are disappointing. Others still are truly exciting. I want to storm the castle and free the damsel in some instances and... Well. Basically, I am feeling a mixture of emotions.

There are times when I want relationships to work. I have at least two that are bumming me out. There is an end that I wasn't expecting. Hurtful things said that makes me want to give people a piece of my mind. However, in bother cases, I have no right to say anything as I am not actually involved in either relationship first hand. Now I'm sitting on my hands watching people trudge through the hurt. I hope that I can make it plain that I am here for them if they need me.

Almost a heart attack

All the hoopla over the arrival of my new computer almost made me forget that I was supposed to share my life experiences today. That's not good. I did however remember last minute, so here we go. What happened to me today? I got my new computer.

I missed the delivery today as I was at work. I was stalking it through the Fedex.com tracking site. My mother let me know that I didn't have to wait for it to be delivered the next day. That I could just go to the shipping hub and pick it up there. I still don't think she knows that she made me the happiest girl in the world. I went to pick up my package after work. Only briefly stopping at home to collect the door tag. The entire ride home from the Fedex office I was tapping my box as if to make sure it actually existed. Very happy girl. I had my computer at last.

When I made it home I decided on a reward system. I needed to exercise before I devoted far too much time to staring into this beautiful computer screen. I chose to not open my computer until after I gave the dogs a walk. Knowing me if I had decided to open my computer beforehand then it would have been well after dark before I remembered my decision to walk the dogs. So after the dogs were exhausted, I pulled my computer out of the box, opened it and set it up.

Then... nothing happened.

My Start key wasn't working. When I looked for programs, they were nowhere to be found. I thought for sure I was missing something major. Maybe I was just not figuring out how to function with this new Windows 8.1. Worried and stressed that my brand new computer was defected, I decided to pour myself a rather large glass of wine. Next I Google searched solutions on my tablet. I gathered enough info to decide to reset my computer and start afresh. Something that I thought was going to take forever.

It didn't. I went through the process of setting up my computer again and this time success. I almost did victory laps around the house. Only the thought of disrupting my housemates stopped me. It was working. It was responding and I am in love. There are files to be transported and things to be downloaded. Unfortunately, the glass of red wine that calmed my nerves earlier is making it rather hard to focus now. I have to leave the rest of the work of bringing my new computer up to par for tomorrow. Now I must sleep.

All I want is sugar

I think I have been a bit too ambitious about this year's project. As of yet, I haven't made a single vlog. Due to my computer being on it's last legs I can't fathom trying to tackle an editing job. Then when you mix procrastination with a perpetual lack of sleep it becomes very apparent that a daily task is not practical. I'm deciding to admit my defeat. I am no longer going to strive to blog daily. Now I will do it every other day.

I have a brand new computer in route to me. With that new tool I should only have my lack of knowledge holding me back from posting videos. I like to believe that lack of knowledge doesn't often hold me back.

Enough explaining. Lately I've felt drained. It could have something to do with my irregular sleep schedule. No, that's crazy talk. I'm trying to not build up a dependency for caffeine. I know that a daily caffeine intake will quadruple my sugar intake. I have never drank coffee for the taste. Plus I already have an unhealthy love for soft drinks. I'm trying, and failing, to cut my sugar intake. I need to find a way to focus.

Should I work out? Yes. Yes I should.

Last night ended up being yet another night where I passed out before I took care of everything. I didn't even get out of my work clothes. I just fell asleep in my dress, barely under the covers with a bunch of my stuff still on the bed. Today when I woke up it was a nice little scavenger hunt for my keys and glasses. Everything was found so it's all well.

Today was a cherished day off. I caught up on some sleep and pined after my new computer that is in transit. I want it so bad!!!!

My bridesmaid dress came in earlier this week. I got to try it on this today... I busted the zipper. According to the dress shop it isn't me, it's the zipper. Just a crappy zipper. They got me into it and I was out of it seconds later. They said I have room in the dress. They will put a sturdier zipper in the dress and everything will be fine. The mother of the bride let me know to not put on any weight before the wedding. This was followed by the sales ladies assuring everyone that it wasn't me it was the zipper.

All I heard was "time to do some sit ups." While they are saying that everything is fine and it's just the zipper, I was thinking the dress felt a little snug. I feel I'll be more comfortable if I just take off a few pounds. The ladies said I had room, I felt I was well out of it. It didn't help that I busted the zipper seconds after having it zipped. Seconds. I wasn't even breathing at the point. I should go to bed now as I have a early two mile walk tomorrow. Time to do some sit ups.

Not my worst

What a day. I made it to work on time then realized that I was I left my keys at home. These happen to be important as no one can get in without them. Responsibility is difficult sometimes. Anyway I ended up forty five minutes late to work after I went home to collect my keys. I then went on to make a large mess on the floor that had managers laughing at me and trying to understand why the universe seemed to be against me.

It ended up not being that terrible of a day though. I didn't feel as defeated at the end of my work day as I did at the beginning. I got to see Divergent with my sister, which I enjoyed. I talked to my brother, which was nice. While it wasn't my best day, it definitely wasn't my worst.