What sucks before you die? Life

Wow, I didn't think I would discuss this online. I feel like my life has come at a standstill. I'm watching my friends either moving forward quickly or being complacent with what they have. I even see those having a quarter-life crisis without any means to get out, yet still managing to keep going. I'm told to look at how I want to spend the rest of my life. I don't have a clue. Or if I stumble upon an inkling...I have no idea how to get there. I spend my time tripping over the big picture, not knowing where to begin. Breaking down issues and solving them in sections is not a strong point of mine. I look at the entire clusterf**k and crap myself.

I can do anything. That's what the adults try to program into you when you're young. You can do anything. Well truth, you can't . Not only can you not do anything, but there will definitely be things that they will try to dissuade you against. I want to act. It is a passion of mine. It is not, however, the most secure of careers. Not impossible, but when you are used to security the choice between going out on a limb and settling down leaves you with the premature chills of the lonely breeze on that limb or the regret and boredom of not doing something you love. I'm stuck.

I want to live a life that I love. Problem is that so do other people. There will always be someone better than me. ALWAYS! I will have to struggle for that. Things have not been nor will they be handed to me.

I want to live a life where I don't have monetary problems. Problem: there will always be monetary problems. More money, more problems. And finding a steady job and reveling in it when the only stimulation I get is from my brand new calculator... I'll get bored and burn out. I can't help be see myself losing my job from not having any initiative, well no thanks.

I have recently evaluated my living situation. I hate it. The self-proclaimed proverb I learned in church is ringing in my ears lately. "Life sucks, then you die." I'm allowing this to weigh in on my entire perception of life. I hate my living arrangement. I hate my job. I hate my commute to work. I hate the pointless/useless feeling I feel whenever I get to work. Then how it remains with me as I navigate throughout the day. I hate getting out of bed. I hate being alone. I hate that I seem to not be able to appreciate anything at all. It sucks. Work sucks. Home sucks. In between sucks. I'm floating. Not actively moving forward or going anywhere. I complain about everything, yet do nothing. I'm not changing it, so why am I complaining?

Because it's easy.

Action is hard. Getting up and fighting for a better day requires work. It all requires work. I keep telling myself that if I won't do anything about it, I have no place to complain. I'm ready to work (or hopefully my lack of fulfillment will push me). I have to improve my life. I want to like something...and I would love to love something much more. I need to move forward. Step out of my quarter-life crisis and do something. I want to try another passion of mine on for size. I want to go back to school. And just to keep me on my toes, consider a double major.

Steps to take:

• apply to University of North Texas
• research Development Family Studies
• contact SAT for my scores
• contact ACT for my scores
• contact high school for my transcript
• apply for FASFA
• contact loan personnel
• see what ever else is needed and do it
• find a new job
• save money to get a car
• celebrate for moving forward

All of these will be done in whatever order necessary. Just as long as they get done. I'm aiming to be enrolled in school for the 2011-12 school year. Here's praying for a life worth living.