Old feelings, new reasons

Live music.

It's the reason I have no problem calling myself a music junkie. Tonight I experienced a live set. Four guys. Six instruments. Melodies that constantly surprised. I felt electrified. I believe it's gotten to the point that I can admit to having a passion for live music. I hesitate to do so because I go to so few live shows. After seeing a band live at the beginning of last year I have a newfound appreciation for an artist that can deliver a live performance.

I used to think I preferred what I called studio artists. I was a fan of so many musicians whose live performances weren't up to par with what they could do in a recording studio. I've since been relinquished of that belief. My new passion for live music causes me to look at the artist with a new perspective. Instead of just appreciating them at the superficial value donned on them by a highly paid team of marketers, I find that I am constantly looking for the actual ability. It has pushed me into new genres and down roads to new sounds.

I find music to be this incredible way to express oneself. Listening to someone's very personal emotions is one thing. Half of the time it is just a catchy tune whose true meaning is nowhere near being grasped. What intrigues me about live music is that it breaks down that wall between conjecture and knowledge. It allows me, the listener, to see the passion beneath. The emotion that powers the song is poured forth for me to explore. It also helps form a stronger bond to the music to be able to watch the artist play. Watching musicians when the fall into their passion is one of my great joys. All in all it makes for an incredible experience that keeps my passion for music, live or recorded, burning.

Bring it on, March

Apparently I need to reign in my cravings for the sake of others as well. I have this terrible habit of verbally stating what it is I'm in the mood for and forcing the people around me to reconsider their food choices. I've done so to at least three of my co-workers in the last week.

As March rolls in, so does my need to start cooking. I need to prepare meals that I can take to work as leftover lunches. I'm thinking I will start with the meatlovers casserole. I'm a little bit excited about it. I was supposed to use my goals last year to turn me into a person that ate out less and cooked more. It didn't work. I can, as previously noted, eat out everyday if my budget allowed. My budget doesn't allow.

Since, I apparently have commitment issues to things in a large scale. Things, not people. I'm going to turn my goals for this year into small bite size portions. Starting with March. I want to cook more starting March. Stop eating out unless it's social. I'm not talking calling up my friends every night and asking if they want to try the new Asian fusion spot in town. No. I have to wait for them to make the plans and then invite me. It makes me a bad friend, but for it I'm known. I don't typically make plans (maybe I'd see them more if I did). Anywho, my goal is to at least cook four meals. I can eat off of leftovers for a week.  Cooking daily isn't a viable goal for me. I like to cook a big meal once a week and eat the leftovers.

Let's see if I decide to succeed or fail at epic proportions. The first meal is already decided. Four meals? Come on. Not hard at all.

Terrible movie goer

I'm that person. You may not want to venture into a movie behind me, or maybe have the theater's front desk on speed dial. While, in my defense, I try to keep it to a reasonable volume, I am guilty. I talk through movies. I'm worse when I'm with someone. Even when I manage to shut up the person I'm with wants to have a conversation. I am usually conscious of my surroundings when it comes to acting a certain way. I know how to pick my audience. Being aware that most people don't want my commentary on the movie they paid to watch (what? no way), I at least keep my volume down. It doesn't make it acceptable. It is still enough to annoy those around me.

An idea as to how bad I am. I verbalize not only my opinions about the goings on but also my thought processes. I laugh at inappropriate moments. I sigh and scoff when I don't agree with what is going on onscreen. I'm terrible. It's the reason I choose to go to the movies first thing in the morning on a Tuesday or Wednesday. Usually like a week and a half after the movie premieres. It's probably also why I never say anything when others are being obnoxious around me. I like to make it as likely as possible that if there is someone else in the theater there are so few of us that we can put as much space in between us that we can't hear if the other is rude.

I will just apologize. I apologize for being a person who sometimes gets into the social part of movie watching. I apologize for forgetting that people don't want to hear me process the movie. I apologize for not being mindful of those around me. I admit to being a bad movie goer. I will try to be better.

Blunt? Am I really?

I've been told multiple times that I am a blunt person. Apparently I have no qualms about allowing to cross my lips whatever crosses my mind. Suddenly it occurs to me that there is no way for anyone to make that call about anyone other than themself.

Why is that?

As an outsider I have no idea what is actually going on in anyone's mind but my own. The same is true regarding me. People refuse to believe that I actually have a very efficient filter. Not everything that crosses my mind is something I believe wise to share. At the same time I have a reputation for saying outlandish things. Most of the time when I talk I'm looking for the comment that has a shock factor. I want to say something that will stun people. I don't think it is wise to assume we know everything about a person.

For everything I choose to say there could be at least ten things I chose not to say. I feel like that is something that everyone should keep in mind.

Put that food in my face

I want to eat everything all of the time. It's ridiculous. I don't seem to ever get tired of things. I decide that I'm hungry and am apparently in the mood for just about everything. There is rarely any rhyme or reason. I told one of my co-workers that if I was rich I would spend my fortune at McDonald's because I'd eat there every day. I just never tire of the menu. It isn't just McDonald's though. I'm hungry now and can/am about to list all of the things I can eat. I'll also note the reason that it's preposterous that I would want this item.

The only reason I ever wanted to go on a diet pill was for the promise of curving my appetite. It does bother me that I am hungry all of the time. I tend to overeat. Hell, I surprise myself sometimes with how much I can eat. Today is a prime example, but I digress.

I want pizza right now. I've had pizza twice in the last week. Which doesn't stop me from wanting a pizza right this moment. Pepperoni with mushrooms and extra cheese, please. I will eat the whole large pizza by myself most likely in one sitting. I'll do that and still want to order another pizza the next day. Maybe that one will be pepperoni with extra cheese sans the mushrooms. Maybe it is a supreme pizza that I am in the mood for or a meat lovers. I would probably end up ordering two pizzas so I don't have to choose. I want a pizza.

I also want a ice cream. I went a whole year without eating ice cream. Now that I'm back to indulging in it, I have to stop myself from eating it all of the time. It doesn't make any sense for me to eat ice cream as much as I do. I don't do well with dairy. That being said, I am always down for a bowl of cookies and cream (or vanilla, or lemon sorbet, or mint chocolate). Mmmmmm ice cream.

I want Chinese. I've ate Chinese at least three times last week and I only want more. Today was filled with the cravings for chicken fried rice and egg rolls. I discovered a place near my job last year. I was having and decided to sate a craving. I went a few months without returning to this place, but then my craving returned and so did I. I just recently discovered that this place is really good at the whole cooking Chinese food thing. I'm currently working my way through the beef menu and haven't found a thing that I wouldn't be willing to eat repeatedly. It is all delicious and I want it for every lunch and dinner. I love Chinese food.

I want McDonald's. Everyone saw this coming, right? I can literally eat McDonald's for every meal a day, every day of the week. Like I said before, I don't tire of the menu. Ever. It doesn't help that my favorite drink off all time is served there. While I usually get the one item, I can definitely say that went for the gold and got the 20 piece chicken nuggets. Thank you, Olympics. I surprised myself with the chicken nuggets and another entire meal this afternoon. I honestly didn't know I could eat that much. After all of that what did I want for dinner tonight? McDonald's.

I feel like it doesn't make sense for me to have these cravings. They never seem to end. Every day I want everything. Sating a craving is only ever temporary because I only want more. What's more is I hardly ever crave anything that is good for me. Why can't I want broccoli all of the time? Why not spinach (although that does sound good)? I really just need to be more adamant about fighting my cravings. I mean my barely keeping control of myself already has me under the impression that I will die a morbidly obese person. I know I don't have to go that way. I can fight this.

Go Team USA!

And tonight is it. This wraps up my obsession with Team USA. While the closing ceremonies managed to put me to sleep several times, I do love to tune in. Kind of how the Olympians have a planes to catch in a few hours, but cannot go home without having experienced the closing ceremonies. I'm glad that Russia decided to tell a story instead of just throwing a bunch of stuff into the arena.

I wish I was able to give the final show all of my attention, but alas the desire to sleep was too strong. Fortunately the whole thing rebroadcasts after a few hours and my nap was only that long,

Alcohol and chicken nuggets

Another night full of Olympics and all I want to do is drink. I'm not talking orange juice. Though that is neither here nor there.

This whole week has been both a drain on my patience and a drain on my body. With deciding to stay up everyday to watch the Olympics, every little thing has been in contingency to get on my nerves.  I decided that I am not satisfied with some peoples definition of me in their lives. I guess I'm just frustrated. I can't seem to find any solutions.

There is something that I really want to happen. I'm too afraid put too much faith in it's occurrence. I can already tell that if it falls through I am going to be devastated. I hate it when I want things this badly. Is it ridiculous that I'm afraid of being excited about things because I'm afraid of major disappointments? While I know that nothing can be accomplished if I'm ruled by fear, it doesn't quell the feeling that under-promising in order to over-perform feels safe and comfortable.

On an aside, at least I was able to enjoy a 20-piece chicken nuggets for $5 at McDonald's before the Olympics ended.